Missing Pieces
by LookAlive
Summary: Carlos has problems with his father, who's abusing him. His friends try to help him. No slash. AU. COMPLETE.
1. Preface

**Hi! I'm writing this story about Carlos, and it's totally fiction. I only used the Big Time Rush characters (they don't own to me, I wish / disclaimer) and made up this story. It's about Carlos, being abused by his alcoholic father. He doesn't want to tell Kendall, James and Logan, so he gets separated more and more from them. I will switch point of views, but I think that it will be mostly Carlos' POV. **  
**I rated this T because there's violence in it, so you're warned :). And since I'm not English, I'd really want tips and if you see any mistakes, please record because that will help to improve my writing, and I think I need that!  
I love getting reviews, so please read & review? :). I hope you enjoy my story anyway!**

**I'll be updating as much as possible, but I'm still working on it.**

_-_  
_It has been 13 years by now. 13 years and I still don't have the nerves to tell anyone. It's not that I like it or something, it's just that… I can't help but loving him. I mean, he's my dad after all. I'm still sure he doesn't mean to hurt me, he just can't control his emotions. And that's exactly where I've got the point, not controlling his emotions (and not knowing when to stop drinking alcohol) is the point where he ruined his own damn life. The problem is, his life includes mine._  
_It has been 13 years since my mom left. 13 long years including violence and swearing. I never told anyone. My best friends have no clue (okay, they have, but I'll have to admit that I can be pretty reckless, and that's where I blame all my bruises to). I know that they will try to take me away from my father, and even though he might kill me someday when he has been drinking alcohol again, I don't want to get separated from him. I mean, he's my dad after all._  
_I know I will have to make a choice. It's either him or my three best friends, Logan, Kendall and James. I know I'll never be able to keep all of this a secret, but I also know is that my friends would never let me stay with my dad as soon as they found out. I can't live without parents, and since my mom left I've only had my dad, but I can't live without friends either. This will be the hardest choice I'll ever make and it will influence my whole life._

'What's that, Carlos?' James grabbed hold of my arm and shoved my sleeve up, revealing an enormous bruise on my forearm. I felt I was blushing so I turned my head away from James and Kendall, sitting next to me, waiting for Logan to finish his test already.

'It's nothing. Don't worry about it,' I laughed. Kendall looked at me, disbelief growing in his eyes. I could see he didn't believe me, but why bothering about it? As long as I don't admit anything, what could he do about it?

'Stop looking at me like that, Kendall.' Kendall just shook his head as a response. He opened his mouth to say something, but got interrupted by Logan, who had finally finished his test.

'Ready to go, guys!' He smiled, but his smile faded when he saw my bruise. Crap. Forgot about my sleeves. 'What did you…?'

'Definitely ready to go!' I jumped up, pulling Kendall and James up. I did feel bad about kind of ignoring Logan, but I really, really don't have an option.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N So I wrote a lot yesterday, and today a little more and I just wanted to upload the first chapter. Please tell me what you think about it, because I really need help, so reviewing it would be nice and it keeps me motivated to write this story.**

C1

Crap. I should have gone home earlier. I should never, never, never ever forget about the time, I thought I'd remember that from the last time I got home late. I hear you thinking: what does it matter? He has to prepare his own dinner anyway. True. Very true, but don't forget about the fact that my dad will be in the living room, probably all drunk again since he got home early today. And don't forget about the fact that I will have to go through the living room to get to the stairs and get to my room.

The fear of being hit again until I'm unconscious usually makes me panic, but it calms me down today. I'm still outside. I could run away. I could sneak into the house. I could climb to the first floor by drainpipe. Wait a sec, that's not such a bad idea!

I sneaked to the backyard, making sure that my dad wouldn't see or hear me. It's such a advantage that I'm not that tall, so I can easily climb up to the drainpipe and open the window of my room and get in. I'd be safe.

Well, that's what I was thinking anyway. How could I know that the drainpipe would _break_? I mean, come on, I'm not that heavy! Luckily I had my hockey helmet on me, so I didn't get hurt because of the drainpipe. No, not because of the drainpipe. Because of the noise it made.

'CAR-LOS!' I looked up, my dad opened the glass doors and came out, holding a wine bottle in his hand. I was right, he was drunk again. I struggled up as fast as I could, but before I found my balance, my father already hit me with his fist. I fell down again, encouraging him to go on and kick me in my stomach. It felt like I couldn't even breathe anymore, but as soon as I thought it was over, it started again.

I tried not to scream, hoping that it would make him stop. To my surprise he started talking.

'Take off… that helmet. You look plain… stupid…'

The point is, I knew that he didn't mean any good. Not at all, and I should've though about that, but I didn't want to disappoint him. So I took of my helmet. My dad got a little closer and rolled it away, so that I couldn't get it anymore because I was still lying on the ground. I didn't see any sympathy in his eyes. Not at all. Madness. Just madness.

He held his wine bottle upside down to show me it was empty. My worst fear became truth now. He raised his arm slowly, making me want to panic, but I my stomach, arms and legs hurt me too much, so I tried not to move. Just to cover my head with my arms, but before I could raise my arms, he already hit me on my head.

I think I immediately passed out but it felt like at least a minute. I heard (and mostly felt) the glass breaking on my head, and falling to the floor, cutting my head. I felt warm blood on my head, and that's where I passed out.

I couldn't see anything. My eyes felt swollen and my head was hurting me like hell. I tried to open my eyes, but I still couldn't see. I slowly raised my arm, to look on my watch. Half past twelve. Well that explained why I couldn't see anything. It was pitch black outside. I was still lying in the backyard.

I tried to get up, but it felt like somebody was sticking knives into my stomach, my arms and my head. I wanted so badly to just lay down here and fall asleep, but I knew that as soon as my dad got up again he'd be looking for me again. I didn't want to die. That was my motivation to get up, so I did. If I really want something, I'll do it. No matter what. So I get up, and slowly walked to the house. I could see my dad lying on the couch, totally passed out because of the alcohol. The TV was still on.

I walked to the front yard, opened the front door and walked to my room, being quiet. I knew I didn't even have to be quiet since my dad was passed out anyway, but I still didn't feel good when I was making noise. I turned on the light and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked awful. I'd bet a hundred dollars that James would pass out when he saw me like that, just because I _looked_ awful. I managed to get myself to clean the wounds in my head and lock the door before I fell asleep.

I think I'll take a day off tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing! And just to make sure you've seen it: it's AU. I know that Carlos' father is a police man, but he's not in my story :). Anyway, I drew a picture of Carlos (NOTE: it's just a scrap, I can do a lot better xD) and I'd like to know what you think about it! It's not that good, but it only took me about 1 hour. What do you think, should I draw all 4 boys? :)**  
**Link to my drawing (it looks even worse because I made a photo of it / remove the spaces): http : / img694 . imageshack . us / img694 / 8621 / img8303r . jpg  
I just wanted to share this drawing. I think I'll upload the next chapter at Monday.**  
**Please keep reading & reviewing :)**

C2

I think I could sleep all day if my cell phone didn't wake me up. That reminded me of the stupid ringtone I have, I shouldn't forget to change it. Anyway, obviously someone was calling me. I reached for my cell phone, and I noticed that my arm didn't hurt that much anymore. That's a good thing, the bad thing is that I had a headache like hell.

'What's up?' I answered the phone.

'Carlos, where have you been today?' Logan almost yelled, making my headache worse.

'What do you mean by today? What's the time?' Logan was kinda confusing me. What day was it by the way?

'It's Saturday, remember? We always play hockey on Saturday! It's already 4 PM!'

'Geez… really? I've slept all day. I couldn't come anyway. I've got a headache. Like hell.'

'But you should've at least _told_ us!' Logan sounded really, really pissed off. Sure he was. I would be too. Actually I was. I should've thought about that.

'Logan… really, believe me, I'm sorry…' I think I sounded a little too sad, because Logan didn't say anything. I heard a little messing at the other side, and after that I heard Kendall's voice instead of Logan's. 'Carlos..? You hear me?' I made a confirming noise.

'Hey, are you okay? Listen, we've got to talk, okay?'

'Not now.'

'Yes, now. We're coming over, if you want it or not. And we'll get inside, even if we have to break a window or something. Really. You know we will.'

'I know you will. I guess the door is open.'

'I know.'

'You know?'

'We're in the hall now.'

'you mean in MY HOUSE?'

'Yeah, we thought there might be something wrong with you. I mean we have been calling since 2 PM, you know.'

'I was sleeping, I'm sorry.'

'Yeah, you should. We're heading for your room now.'

'Fine.' I didn't mean to make It sound so angry, but somehow I did. I hung up the phone and pulled my pillow over my head.

'Carlos?' I heard James' voice and a knock on the door. I grumbled as a sign they shouldn't come in, but they misunderstood me and came in anyway. 'How are you feeling?'

'Like crap.'

'James, shut up. Carlos, we really need to talk about your behavior.' Logan sat down on my chair, Kendall and James on the ground. 'Jeez Logan,' Kendall replied, 'you make it sound like you're his mom or something…' I grumbled again. 'Sorry Carlos.' Was his reply.

'Anyway, we have to talk. We don't even recognize you, Carlos. Where is our witty, childish Carlos we used to know? It feels like we don't even know you anymore! You're way more serious than you used to be! And why aren't you wearing your helmet?' Kendall started talking louder and louder, it kinda annoyed me.

'Maybe I'm just growing up. My helmet is outside, does it even matter? Just say what you wanted to say and please leave.' I felt so bad about being such a rude pig, but I really wanted them to go away before they saw any blood or something like that…

'The Carlos we knew would never say such a thing like that. And the Carlos we knew would never leave his helmet outside.' James said quietly.

Ouch. That hurts, my friend.

All I wanted to say was that I was sorry. I never changed, I did not. I'd always stay the same on the inside. Some may call it childish, I call it Carlos. It's just that I didn't feel like being Carlos anymore. What was the point of it? I'd only hurt myself more than that, but deep inside I really felt like learning how to fly or something. Jumping out of the window, trying to fly and then fall down and be lucky to have a helmet on. That's Carlos, but since I'd have bruises all over I couldn't risk getting hurt again. Getting hurt wasn't the problem, getting bruises or wounds was. People would notice, since I'm already covered in bruises.

Not being Carlos anymore included stopping to play hockey. I wouldn't get hurt playing _hockey_, I mean come on, who would? The problem was that skating and playing hockey would be very painful.

At that moment I thought that they would never know how much I want to play hockey with them. They just wouldn't understand it. Nobody would. I'm alone in this, and I have to deal with this myself. I won't let them get hurt. Not because of me.

While thinking I forgot about my friends, who were waiting for me to react at Kendall's accusation, but I didn't. They got tired of waiting for me. They waited for me a long time. And with a long time I really don't mean the 10 minutes they just spent in my room, I meant the time that had passed since I stopped playing hockey and since I got separated from them. Because even I can't deny it, I got separated from them, more and more and more and more.

'Listen Carlos, never mind. Just forget that we came here. Wait, just forget that we were ever friends. You can call us when you can act normal again.' Kendall sounded bitter, not like himself. He really was pissed off, and I'd bet 10 dollars that Logan and James were as pissed off as he was. When they closed the door of my room I started crying, strangling my head in my pillow.

Because yes. Maybe Kendall wasn't exactly right, but I did get more and more separated from them, and that's something _no one_ could deny.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! Lovely :D. Keep reading and reviewing please :)**

C3

**CARLOS POV**

I spent the whole Sunday in my room, the door locked and the windows closed. I only spent days in my room when I'm badly hurt. It's not that bad as it sounds, being locked up in a small room all day. I mean, a human can survive weeks (I don't know, maybe days. At least a few days) without food, and since I have my own bathroom I can drink water, go to the toilet and shower there. Not a problem. It's just that I don't like being locked up in a small room on my own. I never liked it.

I grabbed my phone for at least fifteen times and was about to call Kendall, Logan or James, but then I remembered my dad's actions last night. There was no way I would ever involve them in my problems. I'm already a crappy friend, so there was no way I would make that worse. That may sound like I'm having troubles with self-pity, but really. I felt like the worst friend on earth.

My head didn't hurt that much anymore, it looked like my dad hit me in a good way. I looked it up on Google and it seemed that I didn't need any stitches. Google seemed like my best friend now… I kept thinking about that Monday. Since I wouldn't call them, they'd be really mad at me, really mad. I would be mad to, and like I said, I think I am as mad at me as they are. The person I hated the most was me.

I fell asleep with that thought, and I woke up with that thought. I knew I had to go to school, so I went. I was no person to skip school. Well in fact, I _used_ to be, but since my friends where totally mad at me, why would I? I had nothing better to do, so I went to school. If I'd stay home I'd be bored. Being bored means not having anything to do. Not having anything to do meant started thinking. And thinking about all this was the last thing I needed right now. I packed my bag and climbed out of the window, just to make sure my dad wouldn't see me. He wouldn't anyway, because when I was down I saw that his car wasn't there, so he was off to work. I picked my helmet off the ground and made my way to school, with a knot in my stomach. School meant facing my three best friends again.

**SWITCHING TO LOGAN'S POINT OF VIEW**

'There he is,' Kendall said and he turned around. 'I really feel bad about Saturday, really, I don't know how to react either. HELP ME!'

'How should we know?' I panicked a little bit. Come on, we've been friends for over 10 years, I really want to help them, but he's been such a jerk to us Saturday afternoon. 'We have the same problem, okay!'

'I know, I know, I'm sorry! I just feel bad about it. I hardly slept ever since. He's one of my best friends, and I can't even trust him anymore!'

'Geez…' James replied. And that was exactly what I wanted to say, because Kendall's just said what was bothering me the most. I couldn't even trust my best friend anymore, and that feels not good. Not at all. We already talked about this a few times. We used to believe him, because yes, he's reckless like hell. He used to have bruises all over, and we witnessed him getting those bruises, but since a few weeks he just stopped being his old funny self!

He just said he didn't feel like it or didn't feel like playing hockey, or something and we just took that. We never thought there would be anything behind it! I mean he might have been feeling a little weak or something, but this has been going on for weeks now. Wait, for months! This isn't right and we know that. We only want to help him, why doesn't he see that?

'Logan, watch it. He's passing by in a few seconds!' Kendall hit the back of my head with his hand, waking me up. 'Huh, what? Oh, yes…'

He just passed by. He didn't even look at us, he just looked to the ground. Why was he wearing a cap? The first thing that popped into my mind. He never wears a cap. He only wears his helmet!

'CARLOS!' I shouted. Darn. I didn't mean to. I don't want his attention, it's his fault that we're in a fight. He looked over his shoulder, his eyes looking so, so sad. I've never seen him like this. I ran over to him. 'Carlos, please tell me what happened, I want to understand. I'm sorry about Saturday, okay? Really. Just tell me why all this happened, I can see it from here, you're falling apart and you don't even want to tell us!'

I could see him thinking it. How does he know all this? _I don't know either, Carlos. I'm sorry. _


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm sorry I haven't been uploading a chapter in days, but I had hardly time to write and update (that doesn't make sense at all since I have summer holidays now, but it's true!). I'll update sooner next time, I swear :). So I hope you like it and please review ;D. [Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything related to it. I wish.]**

C4

**CARLOS POV**

I looked at Logan. How does he know all this? That was the First thing that popped into my mind. There was only one option. Again. I had to blow him off. Really, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done in life, but I felt like I had no choice. I'd rather have no friends at all than friends who'd get hurt by me. By my father.

'There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing happened and I'm NOT. FALLING. APART.' I shouted. I knew Logan would be mad at me for yelling at him, but it was the only way to stop him from caring about me. They shouldn't even care, they should be minding their own business. Or at least not mine. I wanted to cry when I saw Logan's face. He looked confused, as confused as I was. 'I'm sorry Logan.' I said. 'Just stop making a fuss about it.' I slowly turned around and walked away.

I know I said that I didn't want them to care about me, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was Logan to stop me from walking away. I felt like I could burst out in crying in the middle of the hall, but I didn't. Stop it Carlos. Logan was right, you are falling apart. I kept wondering about it: how can someone survive without friends? Wouldn't that person be bored all day? How can you live without friends who shout at you when you did something reckless again? How can you live without friends who'd care about you so much it gets annoying? How can you live without friends who try to help you? How can you live without friends to tell your problems? You can't. And I just fucked up everything, I lost my friends.

Logan, Kendall and James are the best friends anyone could have. They shouted at me for at least once a day, because I would do something stupid and reckless again. Try to fly, or skateboard without protecting, or maybe cliff diving. I loved it, I loved it when they got mad at me for doing stuff like that, because we'd always end up laughing about it. I missed the old times and I wanted them back. The times before my dad started drinking a lot, and started hitting me, even worse than before. It's not that I don't love my friends, well maybe ex-friends right now, I'm sure they hate me about all this… Anyway, it's not that I don't love them… I think it's just that I love them so much I can't get myself to tell them my problem, because I know everything will be worse after I tell anyone.

I mean, come on. They'd warn the police. Who wouldn't? Even I would do it if, let's say, Kendall had these problems, just because I don't want to see him get hurt. The problem is, if the police knows they will do something about it. They'd put me in a foster home. I would never get to see my dad or my friends again. It could never get better. I just have to live like this. With or without friends.

**SWITCHING TO KENDALL'S POV**

'No, no he didn't actually mean that, Logan. Stop making a fuss about it, he didn't mean it.' I tried to comfort Logan, who looked like he could burst out in crying any moment. He looked up, and I did see tears in his eyes.

'Kendall, you're making it look better than it is. He did mean it. He doesn't want us to be friends anymore. He hates my guts.'

'Stop it, Logan. You're making it all worse like this!' James interrupted. 'Come on, we know him! He would never do something like this and you know that!'

'The _old_ Carlos would never do something like this.' Logan snapped, 'We don't know the new Carlos! How can you tell he would never do something like this? YOU KNOW he's changed. Don't tell me.'

'Logan…' I started, 'I think Carlos is having problems. Don't blame him, please.'

'Yeah. Right. Problems. So tell me, what kind of problems is he facing?'

'I don't know. Yet. I will find out, I promise. Even though he has been a real jerk and even though he gets separated more and more from us, he's still one of my best friends. I won't let him down, and you shouldn't too, okay? So you can tell me. I'm going to find out what bothers him so much. James, Logan… You'll have to choose. Let him down or help me dealing with those problems and get our old Carlos back. You can say it.'

'You know what we'll choose, Kendall.' James said. 'We're not just friends you know. We're hockey partners in crime. You are my best friends, I will never let one of you down, so I won't let Carlos down when he needs us.'

'He doesn't actually _act_ like he needs us, that's one little thing you're forgetting about, James.' Logan muttered.

'I know. But you know the old Carlos, who never had any problems, and if he had he'd try to hide it from us, that's something _you_ are forgetting about, Logan. Stop being mad at him and just help us getting the old Carlos back.' I snapped. Logan was acting just as much as a jerk like Carlos did, and he knew that.

'So, what kind of problems are you thinking about, Kendall?' James asked, totally getting into it.

'I don't know. You saw the bruises, right? I don't know what it is, but it's hurting him. Physically anyway. Probably mentally too, don't you think?'

'What are you saying? Do you think someone is abusing him or something?' Logan laughed a little bit, because we all knew the same thing. Carlos would never let someone abuse him. But what if it was someone he truly loved?

'Yes. Yes, that's exactly what I'm thinking. We just have to find out what, where and who. You in?'

'Definitely.' James and Logan replied.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: (I don't own BTR again). So, a new chapter. I think I uploaded it pretty fast (or so it seems, days are flying by :|), I'm sorry it's rather short but I promise the next chapter will be longer!  
Review please (Man I feel pathetic for asking it xD)**

C5

**CARLOS POV**

School is killing me. Why does it always seem so long before it ends when you want it to end already? Why is time flying when you're having fun and go terribly slow when you want it to pass? I waited for the bell to ring and as soon as it did, I grabbed my bag and couldn't resist running to home instead of walking.  
I was out of breath when I came home. I think that's why I didn't notice my dad's car. I unlocked the door – I didn't even notice it wasn't necessary since the door already had been unlocked – and got inside. I hated myself. I mean, why can't I be attentive for just ONE time? I should have noticed everything. The car, the unlocked door, even the TV was on when I got in. Really, I should've noticed, but I was still thinking about what happened at school.

'YOU.' I looked up when I heard my dad's voice. 'Where have you… been?'

'School.' I almost whispered, getting nervous because I was alone with my dad again. I didn't even had time to recover from the last time, and I knew what was coming. Again. I realized I actually _feared_ my dad. Being with him got on my nerves and I wanted these feelings to go away. The point was… my dad didn't think about it that way. All he wanted to do was to let out his problems and emotions. Darn, that guy should learn to control his emotions.

'Stop it!' I yelled, something I really shouldn't do. Yelling only made it worse, but what was the point of everything getting worse? I didn't even care anymore. That scared me more than anything. Not the point that my father was actually abusing me (it's still hard to think of abusing. I'd rather see it as patting me. A little too hard though), but the fact that I didn't even care anymore. All I wanted was to live a happy life. Why couldn't I? What did I do wrong? Was I like a robber or a rapist in a earlier life or something? This couldn't be happening without a reason. I mean, come on, why would someone do that? There must be reason for it. Maybe it was that I looked a tiny bit like my mother.

His fist met with my stomach again, with my head and my arm. Again. The only thing I was really afraid of was that he'd hit my head again. Someone told me, at least 8 years ago, that it could cause great damage, and that's why I always wore my helmet. I wished I had my helmet on, but all I could do about it now was covering my head with my arms, hoping my dad was too far gone to notice.

I was about to pass out I think, when my dad's phone started ringing. _Saved by the bell_. I got up as soon as possible, running (okay, not running, that was hurting me too much. Let's say fast-walking) to my room. I opened the door and slammed it shut, locking it immediately. I collapsed after I locked the door, thinking about who called my dad. Who may have saved my life.

I was totally sure I deserved this. I just had to figure out _why_ exactly I deserved this.

I woke up the next morning, surprisingly without a headache. Just a little, so everything that happened Saturday didn't seem so bad after all. I got up, changed my clothes, grabbed my helmet for security and climbed out of the window again. I have to admit that it was kinda dangerous, since I broke the drainpipe, but somehow I managed to get out safe.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: So okay, another chapter. I hope you like it (though I don't like this one AT ALL), and please review :)**

C6

**LOGAN POV**

'What do you think? Is he coming today? I mean, you'll never know. It's just that maybe he doesn't want to be here.' I said.

'He probably doesn't even know. I'd say he's coming for sure. I just don't know if he'll stay after he hears we're going to talk about child abuse in biology class. When he finds out about this little education, I'm sure he'll leave. Or at least we'll see if he's having problems with it, am I right guys?' James said.

'I do think he'll be shocked if he finds out. I just hope that he won't leave right ahead.' Kendall hesitated a little, I heard it in his voice. 'There he comes.'

We saw him walking towards us. The first thing I noticed was that he didn't wore his cap anymore, and he obviously looked better than yesterday. I could see he was anxious about facing us again, I saw it in his eyes. That's where I reminded what happened the day before and I looked away. He was the one who should make up with us. Really, I swear I knew I had to be there for him, but it was too hard to face him after he shouted at me. Some people might laugh about it, but I can tell that I'm pretty touchy sometimes. He knew that.

He was just standing there, in the hallway. He didn't know where to go, to us or just to biology class already. He obviously chose for the last one when he heard the bell started ringing and he almost ran to the classroom.

I couldn't resist watching his facial expression change when he heard what we were going to talk about today. It went from confused and sad to numb. Just numb, like he was staring at something and not hearing what our teacher said. So she started her PowerPoint and just talked about child abuse, how to recognize it and how to deal with it. I didn't even listen, though it was quite important. The whole lesson I just watched Carlos' face, waiting for it to change and say sorry or something. In my head there were playing several fantasies, all about Carlos ending up saying sorry and admitting everything.

'Logan, are you even listening to me?' The teacher threw a eraser at me for being inattentive.

'No, wait, what?' I said, confused. The teacher sighed, as a few people laughed at me.

'I asked you something. Do you have any experience with child abuse? Do you know someone having to face it or something?' She patted her foot, as she was a little impatient.

'Yes,' I didn't even hesitate. It just slipped out. 'Carlos is.'

'WHAT?' He shouted, as the rest remained silent. He stood up, looking furious. 'AM NOT! Why are you saying this?' Tears welled up in his eyes. 'Logan,' Kendall hissed, 'Why did you say that, now shut your mouth and let me handle this!'

'Relax, Carlos, he's just kidding! He doesn't mean anything!' Kendall said.

'HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HE'S JUST KIDDING!' Carlos was panicking. He actually was. Why? Why was he panicking? Did I just say what was bothering him all the time?

'Carlos, stop it, I didn't mean to upset you… I'm sorry okay?' I asked nervously.

**CARLOS POV  
**My God. What was this all about? Is this some kind of sick joke? Well if it was, it's not funny. Not at all. Did they plan all this or something? Stupid education about child abuse… Not funny. Not at all. I just stared at the skeleton in the back of the class, just to make sure I wouldn't pay any attention to what the teacher was saying. I kinda 'woke up' when the teacher started to throw erasers to Logan, waiting for him to answer her question. 'I asked you something. Do you have any experience with child abuse? Do you know someone having to face it or something?' She was even patting her foot. Funny.

'Yes,' Logan said. 'Carlos is.'

Bam.

Shock.

'WHAT?' I shouted. I stood up. 'AM NOT!' What was he trying to do? Totally ruin my LIFE? My God, I would have never thought Logan would say something like that! And apparently he never did too because he looked shocked. Like he just said something he didn't mean to. Kendall hissed something to Logan, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. It was like everything was blurry, like this wasn't really happening. But it was.

'Relax, Carlos,' Kendall stood up. 'He's just kidding, he doesn't mean anything!'

'HE DOESN"T LOOK LIKE HE'S JUST KIDDING!' I actually wanted that to be a little more quiet, but I actually shouted at them, totally panicking. Shit. I have to stop this. They must. Not. Find. Out. Relax, Carlos. Breathe in, breathe out, stop panicking already!

'Carlos, stop it, I didn't mean to upset you… I'm sorry, okay?' Logan asked, kinda anxious.

I started to breath really heavy and I felt like I could pass out in a second, so I asked if I could go the toilet and ran away. I gotta get home, was the only thing I was thinking at the moment. I ran home as fast as I could, seeing my dad's car outside, so I climbed up to the window, opening it and let myself fall down in my room.

This couldn't be possible. If Logan actually meant what he said, they'd know. I should've laughed about it. I panicked, the worst you can do. My god. Now they'll know. For sure. I just fucked up my life. I pulled my pillow over my head. Why is all this happening to me? What did I do wrong?


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I think I uploaded it pretty soon again, I hope you feel the same way :). Oh, and before I forget: Dear reviewers, I love you! You totally make my day! And by the way, I got 8 reviews last time! _8!_ That's really amazing, let's see if we can beat that :). But for now, I hope you enjoy this chapter (because I don't like it. Again)!**

C7

**JAMES POV**

'My god…' I spat out. 'Oh my god. This didn't actually happen, did it?' No one replied.

'Okay, boys and girls…' the teacher interrupted, not knowing what to do about this situation, 'class dismissed. You have the rest of the day free.' People shouted happily. 'YEAH!' 'Come on, let's go swimming!' 'Yes!' People were happy about it, I couldn't be more sad about it.

Kendall, Logan and I left the class first, shocked about what happened. People didn't seem to notice, people didn't seem to care. Carlos had more… well, outbursts. People just thought that he had a bad weekend or something, not knowing what was behind it. We didn't know either.

'Let's just go to my house, okay?' Kendall said. 'We'll talk about it.' Logan and I nodded.

As we arrived at Kendall's house, I felt like I could burst out in crying any moment. How could this happen to us? We always seemed like the perfect friends, and now something like this happens… 'Hey James, come on, we'll find a way of helping him, okay? Don't be sad about it. Everything's gonna be okay.' Kendall patted my shoulder, it seemed that he was understanding me. He always does, the best.

'What about it?' Logan said when we sat down on the couch in the living room.

'What about what? Where's Carlos?' Katie came in, turning the TV on and sat down on the couch, right between Kendall and Logan, who had to move to make space.

'Come on, Katie. Please go away for a few minutes…' Kendall sighed.

'Well thanks a lot, big brother, I love you too.' Katie started zapping, not moving to go away.

'Let's go, guys, we'll go to my room.' Kendall stood up, slapping Katie's head with his hand. Logan and I followed Kendall to his room, where we sat down again. 'Okay, now what are we going to do about Carlos?'

'What's wrong with Carlos?' Katie yelled from the living room.

'KATIE MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS THANK YOU!' Kendall yelled back. 'Okay.' He continued whispering, 'so if he's really having troubles with his dad, what could we do about it?'

'Troubles with his dad? What do you mean?' Katie asked again, now standing in Kendall's room. Kendall sighed. 'We're not going to get you away, are we?'

'I'm glad you understand,' Katie said as she sat down at Kendall's bed. 'Now what's wrong?'

'We think that Carlos is abused by his father,' I spat out. It was a horrible thing to say. All I remembered of Mr. Garcia was that he was a really nice man, and looking a lot like his son. I couldn't believe this, how could he do such a thing to Carlos? He was the sweetest, funniest guy on earth. What made him do this?

'Earth to James!' Logan snapped his fingers in front of me. 'We were asking you if you had an idea.'

I raised my shoulders. 'No, I don't know…'

'Katie, since you know… you should figure something out, right? I know _you_ can do it!' Kendall turned over to Katie, who started smiling. 'Well finally you see my qualities brother. I do have an idea. What about checking on him?'

'What do you mean?' I asked.

'Oh, come on, You know what I mean, right?' Katie said in a sarcastic way. And yes, I did. But spying on your best friends… I don't know. That actually felt like betraying him. 'I don't know…'

'Why not?' Katie said. 'It's a brilliant idea and you know it. I mean, you're not even sure, are you? You can't do anything without knowing if it's actually happened! Just check on him, you know it's a good idea!' I nodded. 'It just doesn't feel good.'

'Well, does it feel good to know that your friend's father may be hurting his son? I don't think so. Just do it and stop complaining, Diamond.'

'Well, okay. I'm sorry Mrs. _Knight_.' I snapped.

'HEY!' Katie yelled, 'you DO want to help him, right?'

'Of course I do.'

'Then stop doubting my plans!'

'_Riiiiight_…' Kendall said. 'So we're actually going to spy on our best friend?'


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: So, chapter 8 :). I uploaded it pretty damn fast in my opinion :D. Have fun reading it and please review (I still feel pathetic about asking it). **

C8

**KENDALL POV**

'I can't even remember why I agreed to spy on him,' I whispered to Katie through the phone, only a few days later. We actually all agreed on spying on Carlos. We did. Since he didn't come to school anymore, we actually didn't have a choice, right? We thought we'd never do it because he used to be one of our best friends. Used to be. The old Carlos used to. So we agreed on spying on him, and here I was. Lying in the grass, hiding under a tree. 'Shut your mouth,' Katie hissed. 'Just watch, and look out when Carlos or his father is coming, okay?' 'Yes, _mom_.' 'Good boy.'

So there I was lying under a tree, hiding in his backyard. I watched as I saw Carlos coming through the gate. He looked around, looking suspicious. As he was looking out for someone.

How could I know he actually was?

And then it happened. I sneezed. HOW COULD I? GEEZ. I sneezed, okay, so I made a little noise. Maybe not a little. To be honest I made a lot of noise. That's where he came out. Just when Carlos was about to look what made that noise, he came out. Carlos dropped his helmet. 'BE… QUIET!' He shouted at Carlos, who wasn't focusing on the noise anymore. 'Fuck… Fuck, no…' he was whispering, but I could hear him loud and clear. 'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? MAKING THAT NOISE THIS TIME A DAY.' 'It's 8 PM…' Carlos whispered. He turned around, probably to get his helmet, but his father pushed him down. He could catch himself with his arms, but he looked straight into my eyes, pure shock in his, pure horror in mine.

'Kendall…?' he whispered. 'What are you doing here? AHH!' Carlos screamed as his father kicked him. I looked at him, stunned by horror. My god. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. No way…

'Stay… there…' Carlos rolled over, whispering to me before his father started hitting him with his fists. 'What? No!' I stood up. It would've looked funny when this situation wasn't this bad. Really, the expression on Mr. Garcia's face was just hilarious. 'What are _YOU_ doing' here?' He spit the words out. 'I'm helping Carlos. Are you fucking _mad_? WHY do this? Why? Leave him alone, you ass!' At first I thought I did it. I thought I had saved Carlos, who was lying on the ground, his arms wrapped around his body, like he was trying not to fall apart. But then I saw the anger in Mr. Garcia's eyes. He would never stop because of me, I realized. Instead of that, he started hitting and kicking me. Well that wasn't really my intention. Being his new target, but anything would be better than Carlos being the target. He had been in this for far too long. This couldn't last any longer.

'KATIE!' I screamed, as Mr. Garcia was still kicking me, hitting me in my stomach and on my head. I tried to reach for my cell phone, which was laying just a few meters away from me, I was almost able to get it, so I reached for it, but Mr. Garcia saw what I was trying to do. He wasn't paying any attention to Carlos anymore, who was still lying on the ground. 'CARLOS!' I screamed, 'YOU OK?' No. Of course he wasn't okay, and that wasn't really my intention. Asking if he was okay I mean, I just tried to distract Mr. Garcia. He didn't get distracted. He reached for the phone, looked at it with disgust and dropped it on the floor. 'No!' I gasped. He raised his foot, and stamped his foot on it. He did, I actually _heard_ my phone breaking.

'NO!' I screamed. 'NO! NO, NO, NO!' It's not that my cell phone is my life, it's just that I needed it to tell Katie what was happening. I saw the fury in Mr. Garcia's eyes, and I knew he wouldn't stop before I was at least knocked out. He maybe even wanted to kill me. And then kill Carlos. And it would all be my fault. Carlos' dad wouldn't be mad about the noise I made if I wasn't there. Carlos could get into the house without being seen and he'd be safe. I ruined everything. 'Ahh…' I gasped as Mr. Garcia was kicking me again. Geez… I thought. I'll die here… I thought I was almost going to pass out, but I saw Carlos getting up, getting himself a piece of the fence. A beautiful piece of wood. He raised it, then hitting his own damn father on his head, who immediately passed out.

'God…' I said, rolling over. 'My god… Carlos, thank you…'

'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT?' Carlos started yelling at me, I looked at him with disbelief in my eyes. 'I just wanted to help you…' I whispered.

'Does this look like helping? You only made it worse, Kendall! He'll get his revenge now, and that's your fault!' Carlos looked at me with tears welling up in his big, brown eyes. 'My god… I'll be dead…'


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for the short, crappy chapter. Next will be longer and better, I promise (I hope)! I just had to put something in between before I could really continue the story. I'll upload it tomorrow (if I don't forget to) because this one sucks :). To make it up!  
So reviewing this anyway would be nice because you always make my day when you do review! **

C9

**CARLOS POV**

'No, you won't be! We'll warn the police! I swear!' Kendall got up slowly, trying to calm me down.

'You don't understand, okay! I don't want my dad ending up in JAIL!' I cried now. 'Just go away, Kendall, leave me alone and don't tell anyone! Just say you jumped out of a window or something!'

'Dude, Carlos, people will only believe it when you do…' Kendall laughed a little bit, trying to stop me from crying, but he failed in his attempt. 'just go away please…' I cried as I collapsed. Kendall just ruined everything. Everything. They would get the police, they would make my dad go to jail, I'd be alone for the rest of my life.

'KENDALL!' I looked up when I heard Katie's voice. Was she in this too? My god…

'Oh my god! Kendall! Carlos!' Logan shouted, and I bet you ten dollars it was James who was gasping when he saw us sitting on the ground.

'Kendall, how are you?' James sat down next to him.

'I'm okay,' he replied. 'How did you know you should come over here?'

Katie replied: 'I heard you screaming through the phone, so we went to search for you immediately.' 'God…' Kendall smiled. 'You are the best…'

'Carlos…' I looked up, still crying. Logan looked at me, patting my head a little hesitating. This felt good, it did. It felt like he was my best friend again, which made my cry more. 'Carlos, calm down. Are you okay?'

'No. No, of course I'm not okay!' I forgot about the feeling I had, and started yelling again. 'You just ruined my fucking life!'

'No, no, we'll get the police and they will make your dad stop hurting you, I promise!'

'YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? I don't want to lose him… You made it worse, you fucked up my life, I don't have a place to go when he's gone…'

'You can stay with me.' Kendall said. 'That's no problem.'

'It is! You just don't understand! He's the only family I have left!' I started crying again, and I went into my house. I ran upstairs, grabbed my bag and filled it with food and drinks, money and t-shirts. I walked downstairs again, feeling a little dizzy because of my dad, and I walked into the backyard again. James, Logan, Kendall and Katie's faces looking up at me. I turned around, not telling them what I was doing and walked out of the backyard.

I have no reason to tell them where I was going. I'd go away and never come back. Okay, I couldn't do that. Let's just say at least for the night. I walked away as fast as I could, though every step was hurting me like hell, my dad really got me this time. I knew for sure that they were looking for me now, and calling the police to pick up my dad. I know they used to be perfect friends, but it's seeming more like they aren't as perfect friends as I thought, because they should know that they were killing me now. Indirectly physically if they didn't call the police, and mentally if they did.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: I uploaded it pretty fast to make up for the other chapter, which sucked. Anyway, it will get better from here and you will soooo hate me the next few chapters :).  
Please review!**

C10  
I just wandered around in the city. I mean, I had nowhere to go. I couldn't go home, I was totally sure there would be police right now. I couldn't go to a friend, since I lost them because of my behavior. I had two options: go to the park or go to the subway. I looked up to the sky, which was getting a little darker. As soon as I started thinking about rain, it actually started to rain. Okay, one option. The subway.

I never actually liked the subway. It seems like a place people go, and where they never return. Something like a gate to heaven. People go in and never come back to earth. Though heaven is supposed to be light and shiny, and I don't consider the subway light and shiny. I hate the subway. It's dark and moist and I feel captured when I'm in the subway. But I had no other choice, if I didn't want to get wet. And I didn't, because I was cold already.

What was that about by the way? It's May, come on. It shouldn't be this cold, It should be nice and warm, but it wasn't. What could I do about it? Sleep in the subway. Yes.

So I went in. It was quite early, so there were many people around, waiting for their subway, or running to be in time. I sat down on a little, steel bench. It made me feel more cold than I already did, but I didn't mind. I grabbed a newspaper, which was laying right beside me, and started to read it since I had nothing better to do. Plus, I could use it as a blanket too when I needed one.

Time passes, even when it looks like it takes centuries to pass. Seconds go by. Minutes go by. Hours go by. Even though it doesn't seem like that. And that's how it got to 00:00. Which meant no subways anymore. It was quite quiet too now, I just saw a few men coming home late from work (or something else if you know what I mean. Poor women), a few girls coming home from seeing a show or something and a few hobos who were intending to stay here too probably.

Yes, you saw a lot of different people in the subway, you did. That's what I liked about it, but as soon as everyone leaves it gets miserable again. I'd hate it as soon as everyone left. I let my head rust on the back of the bench and closed my eyes. It had been quite a hard day for me, so I wanted to rest a little.

'Who's that?' I slightly opened my eyes when I heard a heavy, raspy voice. I could hear it was a pretty old man saying it.

'I don't know. He's new I guess.' A second voice said, sounding younger than the first voice.

'He's sleeping on MY bench,' The old one said. I heard footsteps coming closer. 'My god…' I heard the younger one say. 'It's just a kid. Hardly 17 years old! What's he doing here?'

'I don't mind. MY bench!' The old one said again.

'Leave it. Find another one just for the night. He'll be gone tomorrow. He'll get killed, raped or leave himself because he wants his own warm bed back.' The younger one said, sounding contemptuous. I heard the footsteps walking away again, and I heard no sounds anymore. It was all quiet now.

What did that guy say? I'll get killed? Raped? I started feeling a little uncomfortable, not because of the bench (which wasn't lying very comfortable to be honest), but because of what might happen. Why didn't I think of that? I opened my eyes and looked around. I saw a few guys, looking like they hadn't shaved or showered in weeks, looking at me. Okay. So this really, really felt uncomfortable. I got up and walked away, looking over my shoulder. The guys started moving too, coming after me.

I started to run, even though I was still hurt. Being killed or getting raped wasn't exactly my vision of a happy life. I got out of the subway, where it was still quiet. No one was around, so I started heading to the park. I could walk around and stay up all night, just to make sure I wouldn't get killed (or raped).

Okay. So maybe it wasn't a good idea after all. To walk away, I mean. I never wanted it like this. I started thinking about going to Kendall's. Would he still accept me? Well yes, to be honest I think Kendall would accept it if I just said I was sorry (though I didn't mean it if I'd say it). I started walking to Kendall's house, which was close to the park. When I arrived, I heard talking. It was pretty weird, because it was about 1 AM, but I kept quiet and starting eavesdropping.

'So, what did they do?' I recognized Mrs. Knight's voice. They probably told her.

'They took him. I don't know. I bet he'll get about two years jail. That's what the policemen told me anyway,' Kendall said. To my surprise he didn't sound happy. Not at all. He sounded guilty. Just guilt in his voice.

I left. Immediately. So they did call the police and my dad got sentenced. Two years to jail. I didn't want to stay with him anymore. I'd rather walk around the park. I'm sure he wanted to talk to me, and that was one thing I did not want. Talking.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: I FINALLY like a chapter I wrote myself, I actually do like this one. Don't be mad at me for this chapter though :(. I'd really love it if you review this, because I'll update sooner if I get more reviews :). So yeah, again, please review and more important: enjoy!**

C11

So yes. I left again. I walked around the park all night, still not knowing where to go, and running away from everyone in the park. I mean, who would be in the park this time a day? That's sick, just sick. I stayed there all night and the next day, sitting at a bench on a place no one could see me, unless if they walked by. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't alone. There walked people by, mostly pairs. I hated seeing pairs. I used to like it, I used to like seeing people being happy and in love, but this made me feel more alone than ever. I didn't mean that I wanted a girl to love, too. In a special way I mean, don't think of Katie. I just wanted _someone_ to love me.

Anyway, there was one man who wasn't with someone else. He was just eating a sandwich and reading the daily newspaper while walking. He was just a few meters away from me when he was done reading his newspaper and he threw it in the trashcan. He passed by, and as soon as he was out of sight I started walking to the trashcan. I looked around, but there was no one near as I got the newspaper out of the trashcan. It was today's newspaper, and I walked back to the bench to sit down. I opened the newspaper, feeling a little weird about it. I never thought there would be a day I was snatching newspapers out of trashcans…

I turned the pages of the newspaper, hoping I wouldn't find an article about my dad.

I did.

I actually did find one.

It was just a little, little article. We weren't even named, but I knew this was about me. About us. Kendall had been right. He had been sentenced. He didn't have to go 2 years to jail though. 1.5.

Tears started flowing, as I rumpled up the newspaper. I threw it in the bushes, not caring about the environment at the moment (I'm sorry, I just didn't feel like it). I hid my head in my hands and hoped that no one would see me crying. I felt like I could panic any moment. I had nowhere to go. Going to my friends was no option anymore. Going to the subway wasn't either. Staying all my life in the park was not an option too, and I'd bet a thousand dollars that Kendall, Logan and James would report me missing if I didn't get back.

There was another option, but I had never thought about that. I mean, I did _think_ about it, but that wasn't serious. I mean, I'm still a teenager, every teenager thinks about it, but most don't really _mean_ it. Neither did I. This time I felt like there was no other way out.

Even though I was sure my friends would hate me by now, I couldn't leave them without at least a little note. They had to know why, I couldn't just leave them. I just couldn't. So from the little money I had left I bought paper and a pen, and sat down again. Tears started falling down my cheeks again, but I wiped them away, before they could wet my paper.

_Dear Kendall, Logan and James _I started.I immediately scratched the _dear_ part. That wasn't like me. I chewed on my pen, to keep me from crying again and to think of what I would write. After about half an hour I finished my note. I folded the paper and I started walking towards Kendall's house. I took my helmet out of my bag and I taped the note onto it. I laid it down before his front door, and started walking towards the city centre. I didn't need my helmet anymore.

**LOGAN POV**

I checked my watch as I walked to Kendall's house. I was a little bit early, but what does it matter? All that matters is that we are going to find our best friend and bring him back home. Being early wasn't that bad. As soon as I arrived at Kendall's house, I saw Carlos' helmet laying on the ground, which caused a really weird feeling. Why would he leave his helmet? I picked it up and noticed a letter on it. _Kendall, Logan and James_ it said. I started feeling more and more uncomfortable as I opened the letter.

_To Kendall, Logan and James.  
First, Katie, if you're reading this, stop reading and get Kendall. _

I started grinning, this looked like our old Carlos again.

_To Kendall, Logan and James.  
First, Katie, if you're reading this, stop reading and get Kendall.  
__To my three best friends. All I wanted to say was that I've been an asshole. A total jerk, and I  
want you to know that I'm sorry. I'll be sorry forever. The problem is that I don't feel like  
being around you anymore. That's not about you, I don't feel like being around _people_ again  
at all. I read it, my dad got sentenced. I have nowhere to go and I have no money left since I  
spent my last money on the paper and the pen to write this note to you. I'm sitting in the  
park right now, and I really don't know how to tell you that I'm so sorry about everything. I  
should've told you, I know. But I was afraid what might happen, and my worst nightmare just  
became truth. I only see one way out. Don't try to stop me, because you won't be able to. It's  
too late anyway when you read this. All I want you to know is that I had a great time with  
you before all this happened and I hope you can forgive me. Kendall, Logan and James, never  
forget: I love you. Carlos._

My grin faded. I discovered a few wet spots on the paper, Carlos had been crying when he was writing this. He had been here to leave the note just a few minutes ago. I didn't even take the time to warn Kendall and James, I started running, making my way to the city centre.

I knew what Carlos was up to. Carlos was going to commit suicide.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm sorry for the cliffhanger! And at the end of this chapter again ;). Review, review, review and I'll update sooner :) (plus you make my day if you do). Enjoy anyway!**

C12

**CARLOS POV**

I took a deep breath, as I stood before this skyscraper. I never thought I would do something like that, but it seemed like there was no way out. I kept thinking about these thoughts. Every teenager has its moments. When he wants to jump in front of a train, or when she's thinking about jumping of this high building, but do they mean it? No, of course not.

When I thought of committing suicide, it were always the moments I was panicking. But as I was about to do it, I felt surprisingly calm. Like I knew everything would be over after everything ended. I'd live happy life in heaven. Finally.

I entered the building and took the stairs. Yes, the building was high, and yes, there was an elevator, but elevators always make me think about things, and thinking is the last thing I should do right now. I took the stairs and started counting the steps, just to keep my mind distracted from what would be happening in the next quarter.

I lost the count, as I walked to the top, where I finally took the last stairs and ended up on the roof. The wind almost blew me off, but I sat down and crawled to the edge.

Shit.

High.

I felt so scared at the moment, and I realized that I really did not want to die. I didn't. I couldn't. But I had to. Because I had no other option. This life should end here, that's how it's meant to be. I felt tears flowing down my cheeks, but I didn't know whether I was crying or whether the wind was irritating my eyes. I stood up, looking over the edge.

This was it. This was the end.

**LOGAN POV**

I ran as fast as I could. I stopped for a few seconds to catch my breath, but just for a few seconds. There was no time to rest. Resting could ruin everything, so I started running again, even though I was totally out of breath. I thought I knew on what building Carlos was, since I always saw him looking at that building when we were driving by. He liked it, just because it had so many windows. I just hoped, so badly, that I was right.

I entered the building. Elevator or stairs? Since I had to wait for the elevator I just took the stairs, running as fast as I could, heading for the roof. There could not have been passing a lot of time since Carlos left the note, maybe I would see him on my way up. I was sure I would if he was in this building, just because I ran really fast, and Carlos probably didn't run fast. Just because he thought we wouldn't notice his letter. He thought he could take his time.

Well, not really. I ran faster, and faster, and the stairs where annoying me at a certain moment. I never liked taking the stairs in high buildings, just because it seems there's no end coming. And just when I needed the end, it just seemed longer than usually.

And that was where the stairs ended. Just one little stair, which went to the roof. I stopped another few seconds to catch my breath. He wasn't here. The only other option was he was on the roof already. Or on another building. Or another option I couldn't even think of. I stopped breathing and started running again, taking the last stairs and I climbed on the roof.

There he was. On his knees. He stood up, looked over the edge and bend his knees, ready to jump.

'NO, CARLOS, NO!' I screamed as I started running towards him.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is pretty short (and I don't really like it), but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Make my day and PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

C13

**CARLOS POV**

I stood up, took a deep breath and looked over the edge again. I really started to doubt my courage here on this roof, but before I could even move to jump, I felt two arms around my waist, pulling me back at the roof and pressing me down.

'FUCK, CARLOS!' I heard someone crying in my ear. I couldn't recognize the voice because of the wind, so I turned around, looking in Logan's eyes. 'FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!' he cried, as he held me tight. I didn't even try to escape. I didn't want to die, and if he cared about me this much, maybe it wasn't meant to be at all.

Tears started flowing and I started crying, not just crying, but totally panicking. I didn't want to die, and I thanked Logan so, so much for holding me back, I just couldn't tell him because I was crying. I grabbed hold of his T-shirt, squeezing the thin cotton material. I felt that Logan was holding on to my shirt too and with his other hand he was rubbing my back.

'Come on, let's go downstairs again. Don't you try to escape.' We walked to the stairs together, Logan holding me tight. I knew he was scared that I would escape and jump, but I wouldn't. Just because I didn't have the guts. I just couldn't.

He sat down on the first step as we were inside, still holding me, still crying. 'Now tell me, Carlos, why did you want this? Death is not an option! What were you thinking?'

I started crying again too. 'I didn't want to.' I noticed I was sulking. 'I just had to…'

'No, no you don't have to, come here.' Logan hugged me again. 'Everything will be okay now. Stop crying, it's okay now.'

'You're crying too, Logan.' I did stop crying though.

'I know, I'm sorry. Can I leave you here for a second? I have to call Kendall.' He asked, but he answered himself immediately. 'No, I'll text him from here, I'm not leaving you alone.' I looked to the ground. Man, I had the best friends in the world. Logan was done texting Kendall and he pulled me in a tight, friendly hug again. 'I can't believe I… we almost lost you…' he whispered in my ear. 'I'm sorry… I should have been a better friend.'

'It's my fault. You're the best, don't worry about it. Can we please keep quiet now? I don't feel like talking, really…' I sulked again. Logan squeezed my are a little bit. 'It's okay. Just so you know, we _will_ talk about it.' I nodded. I knew they'd want to talk... 'But…' Logan said. 'We'll talk as soon as _you_ are ready for it, okay?' I nodded again. Like I said, the best.

'CARLOS, LOGAN?' I recognized James' voice, shouting.

'UP!' Logan yelled back. I heard footsteps coming closer, and in no time James, Kendall and Katie joined us.

'My god, Carlos, my god…' I saw tears blinking in Kendall's eyes as he pulled me in a hug too. So did James. That has been a long, long time since we had a group hug. And I must admit that it felt great. I felt like everything would be okay again.

'God, Carlos,' James said when we all let go. 'You look _awful_.'

I grinned, despite everything that happened. 'I knew you would say that. I know. I haven't slept since I ran away.'

'Let's go then,' Kendall said. 'We'll all go to my house and you're going to sleep. We'll talk later.'

'If you're ready.' Logan added, and I smiled a little at him.

We got the cab Logan called. James on the passenger seat and the rest on the backseat, which was kinda hard to fit in with the five of us, but we managed to in the end. I really felt like sleeping now and I could hardly keep my eyes open. Even before we arrived at Kendall's house – which wasn't far from the building at all – I had totally passed out. I could still hear their voices, though everything was unclear and I could feel someone picking me up, arms around my shoulders and under my knees, bride style, and carrying me away. Though I didn't notice who it was because I fell asleep right after he picked me up.


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: So... another update. I really hope you enjoy this chapter and make me a happy girl and review please :)**

C14

**KENDALL POV**

Carlos fell asleep when we where halfway there. When we got home, James and I got him out of the car and carried him to my bedroom, where we laid him down on my bed. I sat down next to him, telling the other guys I wanted to stay with him. They agreed with me, and both Logan and James were staying in my room. I wiped away the tears from my face and I smiled as I watched Carlos' sleeping. He looked more peaceful than ever.

'I can't believe we almost lost him…' James whispered. I bit on my lip. 'I know right… I just can't believe he actually _wanted_ to commit suicide…'

'He didn't.' Logan interrupted, talking a little too loud, causing Carlos to moan a little.

'Keep quiet!' James hissed. 'We don't want him to wake up already. He needs his beauty sleep.'

'I'm sorry… I know right… but he really didn't want to. He told me he had no choice.' Logan whispered.

'What do you mean? No choice? Of course he had a choice!' I started to talk a little louder, which caused James to slap me.

'You don't know his story. We'd better wait for Carlos to wake up and tell his story. Okay? I think we should stop judging him…' James said. 'I must say that I really want to know what the hell he was thinking.'

'I'm sorry… I know, I want to know it to. What caused him to do this? Well… about to anyway. If you told me this two years ago I would've laughed at you…' I sighed. We always seemed like the perfect friends and I would've never thought something like this would happen. At least not to _us_.

After about two hours of silence – none of us actually wanted to talk until Carlos was awake, because we knew we'd start judging him again – I got up and walked to the living room, to find Katie playing Mario Kart wii. James and Logan followed me and sat down on the couch, sighing.

'What's up?' Katie didn't even look up as she moved her wii remote to make her kart move. She was playing with Peach. Of course. It's always Peach.

'Can we play?' I sat down on the arm rest of the chair, poking Katie with my feet just to annoy her. She slapped my feet as she finished her game. First. Of course. Katie was always first.

'Sure.' She passed me the wii remote, as Logan and James got theirselves one too. 'I'll check up on Carlos.'

'What?' I asked with surprise. 'Why would you want that?'

'Hey come on, he's my second brother. Do you wanna leave him alone?' Katie grinned.

'Hey?' James protested. 'What about Logan and me? Aren't we your second brothers too?' Katie slapped James on his forehead. 'I think you don't need me right now, do you?'

'I'll never win playing Mario kart if you join, so maybe you _should_ go, yeah!' James smiled at Katie, as she smiled back. I could see Katie was kinda impressed by the troubles we were facing, and she was really trying to be _nice_ to us.

**CARLOS POV**

Everything was black. The last thing I remembered was the wind in my eyes when I was standing on the roof. Was I dead? It didn't feel like being dead, I thought it would be less painful, everything should go away and I should be above the clouds, playing harp or something? There was just one answer: I wasn't dead. I opened my eyes and I… well I can tell you one thing: there were no clouds. It was a ceiling.

'Hello sunshine.' I looked up and I saw Katie sitting on a chair, flipping through a magazine. So I was at Kendall's obviously. Everything came back instantly, like a movie. I remembered Logan pulling me back, pushing me down… helping me get back, texting Kendall, getting in a cab… I must have fallen asleep in the cab...

'Katie…' I got out of bed, feeling a little… heavy. Like you get out of bed when you just had a headache. Well that's how I was feeling, and as a matter of fact I did have a headache because of my dad. I walked to the living room, followed by Katie, who threw her magazine somewhere in the corner and went to her own room, leaving the four of us alone. They didn't notice me, as I just stood in the doorway. They were playing Mario Kart, something I always liked playing with them, and we used to play _a lot_ of Mario Kart wii. They yelled as something went good, or sometimes wrong and they battled to win the first place. It was amazing to see, like everything was normal again.

James won the race. James always won. It was either James or me, Kendall finishing after us and Logan somewhere about 4th to 8th. James cheered as Logan got hit by a banana and finished 9th. Logan turned around to slap James' face, but his he froze as he saw me standing in the doorway.

'Carlos!' Kendall and James turned around and looked at me. Man. This felt uncomfortable.


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Disclaimer time! I do not own Big Time Rush or the song 'Close your Eyes' by Racoon (which I do recommend. Listen to it, it's an amazing song!). Please review! (I wanna have a 100, and you can make it so :). **

C15

**LOGAN POV**

This was my chance. I felt it. This was my chance to make up for being a total asshole when he needed me. However, I was just standing there, staring at Carlos. My hand was still raised to slap James. It must have been a hilarious sight, but I can tell you it wasn't hilarious at all.

'Carlos…' I whispered. 'God, Carlos, I'm so sorry…' I didn't even know what I was saying, but I can tell you one thing: it was good. 'About everything, I mean… I didn't mean to be such a crappy friend, really…' I walked over to Carlos, who was still staring at me, and pulled him into a hug. It took him a few seconds to hug me back, but he did and I knew everything would be right again.

I mean, yeah, I had hugged him when we just got off the roof, but that wasn't the same. We hadn't forgiven each other yet. And now he hugged me back and I knew everything would be right again. Like before.

'We're all sorry, Carlos,' James said as he joined us hugging, followed by Kendall, who whispered: 'We are, we are.' We were hugging for at least ten minutes, but then Kendall ruined our perfect moment: 'I think we should talk now.'

Carlos nodded. He had seen this coming.

**CARLOS POV**

We hugged for half an hour, or so it felt anyway. My watch said ten minutes, but it felt good anyway. Kendall ended it. 'I think we should talk now.'

I nodded. I had seen this coming, I knew he wanted to talk and for the first time in months I didn't mind. I _did_ feel like talking that moment, so we sat down on the couch. Kendall turned off Mario Kart wii and turned around, facing me.

'Now tell us, please…' he started. 'What made you think death was a way out?'

'I…' I was shocked by how my voice sounded, like it was broken. Logan heard it too and patted my shoulder, signing that it was okay, so I continued talking. 'I didn't want to get you in trouble. And I can't live without you. They'd put me in a foster home and I'd never get to see you again. It is the only way out, to spare people the pain I have been through and to stop it already…'

'You say it in present. It _is_ the only way out, you just said it _is_. Do you still think like that?' Logan whispered. So okay, he noticed it.

'I don't know…' I looked to the ground, tears welling up in my eyes again. Crap, I didn't want to cry again. This was not the time for crying. I swallowed my tears and looked up. 'I don't know.'

'What made you think we'd get separated? Do you really think that we would let you go? You're our best friend, Carlos, come on. Don't you… _trust_ us?'

'Of course I do. I just didn't want you to get involved in MY problems. Because their MINE and I don't want to see you get hurt.'

'That's why you ran away?' Kendall asked. 'Because you didn't want that and because it did happen in the end?' He touched his arm, which had a huge bruise on it. I made a confirming noise, that was exactly the reason. Because my worst fears had just become truth.

'But what made you think we would _ever_ leave you alone? I wish you would've just told us…' James said. 'But we can't do this all over again you know. It happened and we can't undo it. All we can do now is make things right again. Like before.'

I said nothing, James was totally right and at that moment, I knew that I'd have my friends back. And I felt that it would be forever this time.

_Lost the things that you thought you would never miss.  
Let them out, miss them while they're gone  
But there's memories down here that will always live  
And they can't take them away so they won't_

_Open this window, let the sickness out  
Sleep softly and breathe again  
If there's a way then it'll find you and help you out  
You're like a circle there's no start and no end_

_Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful  
Cause It's not all pitch-black in the back of your mind  
So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier  
You pick a dream right out of the night_

_And change I wish for I will, cause it's gonna work.  
You can do this, it's your life  
And if you are unhappy about something, stop jerking about.  
Follow the clouds and dive right in_

_Open this window, just let the wind blow in  
And let it grab you and calm you down.  
And if there is no way then find a way,  
But don't go down the easy way,  
And don't let any of them bastards hold you down._

_Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful  
Cause it's not all pitch-black in the back of your mind  
So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier  
So pick a dream right out of the night_

_Welcome to the show,  
Cause you're following the man, with the million dollar plan  
And all your dreams are gone if you let them go.  
Yeah all the dreams you win, if you dare to make it so_

_If you dare to make it so_

_You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.  
You let them out, miss them while they're gone  
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here  
No they can't take them away, so they won't_

_Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful  
It's not all pitch-black in the back of your mind  
So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier  
You pick your dream right out of the night_

**A/N: Don't you think this would be a perfect ending to my story? I do. And if you don't enjoy reading my story then I have bad news: I have a lot more chapters planned. In fact, I already wrote them! So this is not the end of_ Missing Pieces_, but if you don't enjoy reading it this is a good place to stop.  
The only reason I added the songlyrics is because I thought they'd fit my story (or at least a few parts of it). What do you think about it? Like the song? Think the lyrics match my story? Tell me :)**

**And click the button under these lines. It says review! :)**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Let's call this the first chapter of the second book of my story :P. JK, JK. Anyway, I'm sorry that this chapter is kinda boring and that it kinda sucks... Next will be better (or at least I hope so). **  
**OOHH and I've got a 100 reviews! Thank you all so much for that! You are AMAZING! Every single one of you who keeps reading and reviewing my story! **  
**Enjoy and please review!**

C16

**CARLOS POV**

The days that followed were like heaven to me. It's not that we did _special_ things or something, it's just that we did _funny_ things. And the best thing was: everyone was in. Even Logan joined the stupid, reckless things (I couldn't believe it either) James and Kendall made up. I felt that I had finally got my life like I wanted it. I could live a happy life. Finally. And even Logan noticed that I was happier than I had ever been.

'Carlos? Can I talk to you for a second?' Logan said with a grin on his face. Like me, he was walking around with a grin on his face _all day_.

'Sure you can.' I smiled, which made Logan smile too. He loved it when I smiled. He hadn't seen me smiling for a long, long time. A way too long time. Well of course he had seen me smiling, but not really smiling. That doesn't make sense. At all. But it was the probably one of the first smiles that were actually _meant_. But what does it matter if it doesn't make sense? Because did I make sense? Not at all. Everything was how it should be.

'Are you really happy?' Logan asked as soon as he was sure Kendall and James couldn't hear us anymore. I didn't answer him immediately. Being _happy_. It was so… I don't know how to explain. How could you ever say if you were happy? When you felt like it? But if you said you were happy when you felt like it, was it truly, genuinely happy?

Maybe.

Everyone had those moments. Moments you _do_ feel truly, genuinely happy. And sometimes a couple of hours later all you wanna do is die. But did those moments count? Those I-wanna-die-right-now moments didn't count. No, not anymore. Those I-feel-happy moments did.

'What're you thinking about?' Logan asked after a couple of seconds passed. 'Are you truly happy?' He said like he had just read my mind.

'Well mister impatient… I am…' I said, a little hesitatingly. 'Yeah… Yes, I am.' And I was. I could truly, genuinely say I was happy. Because of Logan. Because of Kendall and James. Even because of Katie, because their happiness showed me what I almost lost. Life.

'HEY LOVEBIRDS,' James and Kendall yelled. I burst out in laughter. 'YOU COMING OR WHAT?'

'SURE!' We walked back and played hockey for the rest of the day. Another thing I would've lost. It felt like they were showing the good things of life, the things I'd almost lost. And man, it felt good. I wish my life could've been like that all the time. Okay, it wasn't. That's sad, but hey, you need to move on even when it looks like there's no way out. I chuckled. Yeah, that was me saying that. The guy with the helmet, who was totally nuts and crazy after all, who tried to commit suicide was saying you had to move on even when it seemed there was no way out.

How could I have known that my happy life was temporary? How could I have known that there was just one little small thing that would change everything again?

We were watching a movie that night. I couldn't remember the title as I was half asleep, though I did remember it was such a crappy movie. After it had finished, Logan and James got to bed immediately. They were even having troubles walking because they were tired as hell. Kendall was going to take a shower first, and because I was such a good friend – cough – I waited for him.

As soon as Kendall got under the shower, the phone started ringing. God, _timing_. 'I'LL TAKE IT,' I yelled to the bathroom, as James replied: 'SHUT UP, I WANNA SLEEP.' I chuckled as I answered the phone.

'Family Knight is not available, I'm sorry…' I said, but someone cut me off.

'I don't need them. I need you Carlos.' A voice I couldn't place said. I didn't recognize the voice, but I could here he was up to no good. I could hear it in his voice. And how else could he know my name?


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: I can't believe that this is chapter 17 already, and time flies: it's been over a month since I started this story! Anyway, to all of you who thought it was Carlos' father: it's not, because Carlos would've recognized his voice and because he's in jail now. But don't worry, you'll find out... :). **  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, sadly enough :(**

**Anyway, enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW :)**

C17

'What…?' I should've never answered that man. But I did. And I wasn't fast enough to think up a plan. 'I'm not Carlos…'

'Don't tell bullshit.' The man said. 'You're in this alone. Your friends can't help you.'

Shit. 'What're you talking about?' I tried to make it sound relaxed, but I heard my voice trembling. The worst I could do.

'You know exactly what I'm talking about.' And he was right. I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I decided to play along. 'No, really.'

'You want your friends to live?' The man's voice was raspy. I stopped breathing. So this is what he was gonna use? What if all the bad things that happened didn't even matter? What if someone was coming after my friends after all? 'Yeahh…' the man said. I was almost afraid he could read my mind, but if he could he would kill me. I was sure about that.

'So this is what you are going to do…' he said. Seemed like I had no choice. Again. 'You will get your father out of prison. I give you exactly two days…' Two days. I gasped. TWO days? First of all: I did not want to get my father out of jail – James convinced me: he was a bad guy. Second, if I did get my father out of jail, I wasn't safe anymore. He'd be flipping mad at me. He'd come after me, or worse: after Kendall, James and Logan. 'I know where you live,' he continued. 'You can't run. No one you love will be safe. Get him out. Two days.'

'I can't…' but he cut me off and I couldn't even finish my sentence. He hung up on me.

'Well, Carlos,' Kendall got in the living room, wearing boxer shorts and his PJ's. 'I'm done. Hey, is there something wrong?'

'No…' I whispered. 'I just got a little headache. I'm tired, nothing to worry about.'

'You look like you've seen a ghost. Who was on the phone?'

'Oh… just some random dude trying to sell stuff…'

'What… at this timing?' Kendall raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah, it's stupid, I'm going to bed. Goodnight.' And so I did. I got off to bed. I couldn't sleep though, the call was way too confusing to _not_ think about. And I already said I have the best friends in the world. And I really did, because Kendall noticed there was something wrong. And I don't mean the _headache_ I said I had.

'Carlos? Are you asleep?' Kendall opened the door slightly and whispered, but I could hear him clearly. I shook my head. He saw it because of the little light that came in through the door and the window. He came in, closing the door and turning on a small lamp next to the bed. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong.'

'Hey, c'mon, I know you. Please tell me…' I could tell by his voice that he was afraid. He was afraid I wasn't going to tell him what was wrong and everything would be like before again. And I was afraid too. So I told him about the call. I could see by his face that he was shocked about it.

Of course, who wouldn't be? Because just when we thought we'd be safe, that no one would bother us anymore, you receive a call like that. All I wanted was my happy life, who was going to ruin it? Again? I tried my best to think of someone who could (and most of all: would) ruin it, but I couldn't think of anyone. I was too tired to think of someone. Kendall stared at me as I was thinking. He patted my head after a few minutes of silence.

'Don't worry about it Carlos. We'll be fine. Just… don't listen to that guy, okay?' He said and I could tell that he was still afraid. I nodded. For the first time in months I would listen to Kendall, and I think he could read that in my eyes, because he smiled at me and I smiled back.

Logan would be the smartest one, but Kendall would always be the one who'd make it out of ridiculous situations. Always. He wouldn't get caught or get hurt, he'd be fine. So if something would happen to me and he'd tell me what to do that should work out, right? So I listened to Kendall and forgot about the call. I didn't forget about it, don't take that literally. I stopped bothering about it. Because he was right, what could that man do to us when we were all together? Nothing, as long as we stayed together we'd be safe.

'Carlos,' Kendall interrupted my thoughts, as I noticed he was still in the room. 'Stop bothering about it okay? I can see you're still bothering about it and I can see you're tired. Please, do it for me. And for James and Logan. Stop bothering about it and go to sleep. Okay?'

I grinned. 'Okay, mom.' Kendall smiled to me before he closed the door and let me have my privacy. I changed clothes and as soon as my head connected with the pillow I fell asleep. I didn't even dream about the call. No nightmares.

I told you they're the best friends in the world.


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey guys! First of all: this will be the last chapter before Monday, because I'm going on holiday :D. Just for four days, but don't expect an update, I won't have access to internet. The soonest is probably Monday evening (evening for me at least, probably morning to everyone in the USA, I think...) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and _PLEASE review_! That would totally make my day when I come back from vacation, you know :).**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush bla bla bla... but how great would it be if I did? **

C18

The first thing I did the next morning was telling Logan and James. I didn't want to keep secrets anymore. And they were the best. Bringing up the call was harder then I could ever imagine, I really thought Kendall calmed me down, but I was getting nervous and I noticed my hands were trembling as I told them about it. They kept rubbing my back and telling me that everything would be okay, trying to comfort me. So two days passed. The third day passed too, nothing happened. I began to relax a little more. The man was just boasting. My two days passed and nothing happened. Everything would be okay.

I thought. I really did.

'Carlos?' Logan yelled through the back door. I was in the back yard, listening to my iPod and flipping through a magazine. I pulled out my earplugs and looked up. 'What's up?'

'Have you seen James around? He told me I could use his bike, but I don't know where the keys are.'

'I don't know either. Have you tried calling him?'

'Yeah, his phone's off. Don't you know where the keys are?'

'I have no idea. Why do you need his bike anyway?'

'I got to get some milk. I don't feel like walking all the way.'

'True, true.'

The day passed like a usual day. Okay, so maybe not like a usual day because usual days were like hell to me, but…. Let's say a boring day. Nothing special happened, and I consider a day boring if nothing special happens. Anyway, the day passed, and Logan still didn't have his milk.

'God, Carlos, do you know where James is?'

'I'm not God, and I don't know.' I smiled to Logan. 'I'm sorry. Dude, just take the car.'

'I'm not allowed to. I'll go by foot.' Logan sighed as he grabbed his phone and iPod.

'You want me to come along?' I grinned, knowing he would say no anyway, but hey; it was worth a try.

'No, It's okay. I'll be back in three quarters.' He checked his watch. 'Scratch that, make it an hour. It's probably not really quiet. See ya.' He turned on his iPod and walked outside, heading for the supermarket.

**LOGAN POV**

So okay, I had to walk all the way to the supermarket. I was so going to kill James as soon as he came back home. I was totally absorbed in my music and I didn't notice anything until some guy held me back.

'You can't come here.'

'What?' I noticed the guys uniform, obviously from the police, and the red-white striped line. 'Is this a crime scene of something?'

'Probably.' The man turned around as a sign I shouldn't bother him and mind my own damn business, but I grabbed his shoulder – which he obviously didn't like. 'What happened?'

'I won't tell you. Please leave.' He said, turning around again. I noticed an ambulance, a police car and a black Volvo, which was – as it seemed – broken. I realized someone had been hit by a car, and pretty bad too. Why else would there be ambulance, police and white-red striped lines? Why, if you looked carefully, could you see blood on the street if it wasn't something bad? I saw someone's leg, but I couldn't see to whom it belonged. Until I recognized the shoe.

'HEY, WAIT UP!' I almost begged the policeman to come back, and he did, to my surprise. 'Who's that?' My voice trembled, I was afraid of the answer, though I must admit that deep inside I already knew. I did. The policeman grabbed something out of his pocket and I noticed it was an identity card. My world collapsed as he pronounced the name on the card: 'James Diamond.'

'Hey, kiddo, don't stop breathing!' The policeman patted my shoulder as I started breathing again.

'What happened?' I noticed my voice sounded weird, and so did the policeman.

'Do you know this young men?' He asked me. I nodded. 'He's my best friend…' I whispered. 'Is he going to… _die_?' I could hardly pronounce the word _die_. I couldn't think of that.

'I don't know, kid, I can't tell.' He said as the ambulance people lifted a stretcher with someone on it in the ambulance. 'Is that him?' I asked. The policeman nodded.

'Can I go with him?' I felt a tear sliding down my cheek.

'I'm sorry, boy, you can't. You can visit him later in the hospital.' The policeman walked away after he said that and I didn't make him come back. I collapsed as my legs couldn't held my weight anymore and I sat down on the pavement. I could make myself call Carlos, or maybe it was Kendall – not sure about that, but as soon as that was done, I hid my head in my hands and I started crying.


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Woo! I'm back! I had a good time, but that doesn't matter much.  
So another upload, as I promised, exactly in time :). Please review and enjoy!**

C19

**KENDALL POV**

'Carlos?' I yelled, though hesitantly. 'Carlos, where are you?'

'I'm here!' I heard him yelling back and I followed the sound of his voice. 'What's up?' He asked, his eyes narrowed as he saw my confused eyes.

'I just got a call from Logan…' I started, but he cut me off.

'What happened?' I knew what he was thinking about. The call, just a few days ago. And to be honest he wasn't the only one. I kept thinking about it. What if something happened? I couldn't get it off my mind. Because I was the one to tell Carlos to ignore the call. On the other hand, bad things would've happened if he didn't ignore the call.

'I don't know, he sounded very… confused either. He muttered the name of a street, I just wanted to check on him.'

'Let's go,' Carlos got up and ran out of the door and I saw concern tearing him apart.

'Relax, Carlos, it's probably nothing much, okay?' I could see in his eyes that he didn't believe me. Because he could see in _my_ eyes that I didn't even believe myself.

'Doesn't matter, come on, hurry,' He cut me off again and grabbed my wrist to force me to run with him. And to be honest I didn't mind because concern was tearing me apart too. And so we ran as fast as we could, until we had to stop because we couldn't breathe anymore.

'I don't see anyone. Are you sure we're at the right place?' Carlos looked up at me, hope and concern in his eyes.

'I'm definitely sure. Let's walk the street.' I said and so we did, until Carlos stopped walking.

'What's wrong?' but while I was asking I saw what was wrong. Logan was sitting on the pavement. Well, it wasn't really sitting. He was more lying. Fetus-style. We hadn't noticed him because there was this car "parked" next to him. Apparently the car had crashed into something. Wait a sec, Logan got hit by a car…?

'Fuck…' Carlos whispered and started running towards Logan, and I followed him.

'Logan? Logan, can you hear me?' Carlos helped Logan up, but as soon as he saw that Logan was okay – or so it seemed because he opened his eyes – he sighed. Logan nodded, but tears started welling up in his eyes.

'Hey, what happened?' I sat down next to Logan and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Logan swallowed and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. 'Hey,' I said. 'You can tell us.'

He nodded again. 'It's James.' He whispered so low I could hardly hear him.

'James?' Carlos raised his eyebrows with concern. 'What do you mean?'

'Hit. Car.' Logan hid his head in his hands and started crying again.

'_What_?' Carlos snapped. 'You mean that James got hit by that _car_?' Logan nodded again.

'Let's go to the hospital.' I stood up, pulling Logan up too. I was trying to calm myself down, but I felt like hyperventilating. But Logan was a wreck right now, and Carlos would be too soon. I was the only one who was able to stay calm. I had too, for Carlos and Logan. And for James. A little less important, for myself. It didn't matter that much though. Both Carlos and Logan could see that I was about to be a wreck myself.

**CARLOS POV**

I knew it. I knew all along this was going to happen. I should've taken that phone call serious. I should've never listened to Kendall.

_Stop it. Don't think that way. It only makes things worse._

I can't even remember how we got to the hospital, I only remember being there. Smell that horrible smell, see people crying, see doctors dressed in white, empty halls. I can only remember sitting there, waiting for the doctors to tell about James. I hated hospitals, probably as much as I disliked the subway. Because being in a hospital always, _always_ meant something bad. Why else would you be in the hospital? You wouldn't be just for fun. What was fun about seeing people cry or seeing people worried as hell? Nothing, really. I hated it. And there I was. Worried as hell myself, and about to break down and start crying. But I shouldn't. Crying was a sign of weakness and I should be strong. I needed to be strong.

'Carlos…?' I heard Kendall speaking, he had been silent for a long time. Logan still looked like a wreck, but Kendall paid no attention to him, but to me. 'Are you okay?'

It took a little time to answer him, and when I did, I whispered: 'Am I okay? How can you ask that?'

'What do you mean?' Kendall asked, confusion in his voice. 'Look at Logan, he's a wreck,' – Logan moaned a little and raised his hand to slap Kendall's head – 'and I'm at the edge of a breakdown too. This must be harder for you. Are you okay?'

'Of course I'm not okay!' I started talking louder and louder. I felt a tear sliding down my cheek. I hadn't been crying. Yet. And there I was. Crying and worried as hell. Not much different from all the other people in the hospital. I wasn't an exception. I wasn't any different. I was just one face in a huge crowd of crying and worried people. 'What if James _dies_? It's my fault! I was right all along!'

'What do you mean?' Kendall raised his eyebrows in shock. 'It's not your fault and _James is not going to die_!'

'I mean I should've jumped!' I snapped, causing Kendall to stare at me with his mouth wide open. I hid my head in my hands, like Logan did and I stopped holding my tears back. I felt a little weight resting on my shoulder and it took me a little time to find out that it was Kendall, trying to comfort me.

**A/N: Ooh by the way, I haven't been getting as many reviews as before, so please review? :). I'll update when I get... six okay? Please? *puppy eyes***


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: Okay, this one's pretty short and I don't really like it but okay... I hope you all enjoy :). Ohhhh and thanks for all the reviews I got last time, that really cheers me up. You think you can do it again? :). So okay, enjoy and **please **review again!**

C20

**LOGAN POV**

God… God, James… Why did this have to happen? Had this anything to do with the call Carlos received from that stupid stranger? Did this have anything to do with Carlos' father? I don't know. I looked at the ground – which was white too, like everything in the hospital – but I couldn't remember how I got here. I couldn't remember how Carlos and Kendall got to me. The only thing I could remember was the policeman saying '_I don't know, kid, I can't tell'_.

I vaguely heard Kendall talking to Carlos and Carlos replying to Kendall, but I couldn't exactly hear what they were saying. My mind was still with James. How could this happen? Didn't we have enough misery for the rest of our lives? What about Carlos? He had been through such a rough time, why did this had to happen? He'd feel so guilty about it… I knew him well enough to tell you that. And what about James? Why did he got hit by that car? I mean, we suffered a lot too. Not as much as Carlos did, but seeing him breaking down was hard. Very hard. And if the mental pain wasn't enough, a little physical pain was added. I kept thinking about that, until I heard Carlos say something which even caused Kendall to be silent. Kendall wouldn't remain silent by something. But this wasn't something. And if Carlos could say something that caused Kendall to remain silent, it was something really bad.

'_I mean I should've jumped_!' he snapped. I immediately stopped crying and raised my head, looking at him with disbelief in my eyes. How could he say that? After everything we'd been through? I wanted to comfort him, but I could say nothing. Nothing at all. I saw Kendall patting Carlos' shoulder, trying to comfort him, but he didn't react. Kendall started talking again. I kept looking at the ground, trying to get myself to comfort at least one of them. But I couldn't.

**KENDALL POV**

'Carlos, nothing of this is your fault…' I started talking again, hoping I could comfort him a little. If he actually meant what he just said, he might try it again. To jump off a building, I mean. 'Listen to me, Carlos, you don't deserve this much misery in your life, that's true, but death is not an option, okay? I thought you knew that after everything you've been through.'

I felt him shifting a little bit and I heard him sighing, which meant he was actually listening to me. That motivated to continue my "peptalk".

'Listen, _I_ was the one that told you to ignore that phone call. If it's someone's fault, it's mine, okay? You know you did the right thing by ignoring that phone call and we _will_ be fine. Don't worry about that. James is going to be fine and we'll call the police, right?' Finally I got that off my chest. Really, it had bothered me so much. The guilt. Oh yes, the guilt. Because I was the one to tell to ignore the call. But then again, we had no choice, what else could've happened? It happened and it can't be turned back, so we'd have to deal with it.

I felt Carlos shifting a little again.

'You didn't really mean it, right?' I looked around, Logan peeked through his fingers and I saw tears blinking in his eyes. Carlos looked up too, tears in his eyes too. Carlos shook his head.

'I told you, I don't want to…' he left out the word _die_. 'but I have too. This is exactly the reason why I was about to do it in the first place.' I heard him swallowing. He was having troubles with talking about it, I could hear it in his voice. 'I don't want you to get hurt…'

'Then I guess you understand that _we_ don't want _you_ to get hurt, right?' I snapped. I didn't mean to sound so angry and upset, but I did anyway. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound to angry and upset.'

's'okay.' He whispered. It wasn't okay. I could hear it in his voice, again.

'We'll report this to the police, okay? Everything will be fine.' I wrapped my arm around Carlos' and Logan's shoulders. 'James will be fine. Don't worry about it.' Logan and Carlos sighed.

* * *

'James Diamond?' I looked up and saw a doctor standing in front of me.

'Is he going to be okay?' Carlos asked before I could even open my mouth.

'I'll take that as a yes. I can tell you that this kid has been very, very lucky. He's still unconscious but I can say that he will be perfectly fine, that will just take some time.' The doctor said, and he walked away.

'Wait up!' I stood up and called him back. 'Can we visit him now? We've been waiting for hours.' The doctor hesitated. 'Please?' The doctor sighed. 'Just for half an hour.'

'Yes!' Carlos eyes immediately brightened and he even had a smile on his face for a second.


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: It's not that long and stuff, and it took me pretty long to write this, but I think I kinda like it :). For the first time ahah. Anyway, I'll try to update sooner because school will start in two weeks so I'll have less time and I'm planning to begin writing for another story (because to be honest I finished Missing Pieces in word, I only have to upload the chapters. I'll see if I upload a chapter a day or something. I hope that will work.). Anyway, if you want me to update sooner, please review :). Because the more reviews I'll get, the sooner I'll update.  
To be honest I don't really feel like people REALLY like this story... But that's just me and my thoughts, anyway, please enjoy and review!**

C21

**JAMES POV**

All I felt was pain. No, wait, I was feeling a lot more. Mixed up, messed up feelings, but I could also feel something soft. Was it a bed? Don't know, doesn't matter. What happened? Memories flashed back. A car, lights, and the pain. Oh, the pain. I was getting better though, I felt it. As soon as I was lying in the bed the pain started to decline.

The problem was, I couldn't move. I wanted to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt too heavy. I wanted to move _something_, but everything was too heavy. I wish I could open my eyes though, because the only thing I could see was darkness.

And the fact that I started to hear voices didn't work really good either. They were vague, but I started to hear them more and more clearly.

'Do you think he hears us?' Voice 1 said.

'I don't know. It doesn't look like he hears us.' I recognized a second voice.

_I can hear you, totally. Don't you dare to gossip about me when I'm there!_

'James? James, do you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.' I recognized a third voice. I felt someone grabbing my hand but I wasn't able to squeeze it, how hard I was trying to, I couldn't. _But I can hear you!_

'He doesn't, I think. I hope he's going to be okay.' Voice 2 said.

_So obviously you don't read minds. Wait a sec, I know that voice! Kendall? Or maybe Logan? That must mean that Kendall, Logan and Carlos were with me!_

My heart jumped – okay not really, but I was happy with it anyway. My friends were here to support me, and that made me feel a little better.

'Carlos…' I heard voice 1 again, it was Kendall. 'Are you okay?'

_Okay? Why wouldn't he be okay? I am the one you should ask! Wait, are you hurt too, Carlos?_

I heard nothing. He shook his head, or he nodded. Apparently he nodded, because I heard Logan saying 'good.'

'Damn, he looks terrible, doesn't he?'

_Carlos! Don't say that! I never look terrible!_

'He's white as a sheet, you're right. But he'll be okay, the doctor said so.'

_White as a sheet? No! I'm not! Kendall, stop it! You're insulting me!_

'In that case it's a good thing he can't hear us,' Logan said. 'He'd be bloody mad at us!'

_I am! And I can hear you! Now never say again that I look terrible or I'll kill you as soon as I can move again!_

'Maybe he can hear you,' Kendall chuckled, trying to make a joke of the situation. 'You're so going to die when he wakes up!'

_Yeah! Yes, Kendall, you're right! Logan, you'd better run!_

'Nah, even if he wakes up he won't be able to chase me.'

'True, true.'

_True? What do you mean? I'm not paralyzed or something! _

'Yup, the doctor said he needed a long time to recover.'

_Oh. But as soon as that's done, Logan, you're so dead!_

'If only he opened his eyes, or moved a finger…' I heard Carlos sighing after a few minutes of silence.

_But I'm trying to, Carlos! Understand that I'm trying so hard to open my eyes!_

I wish I could see them.

'I want to see his eyes shine again.' Logan sighed. 'Damn, it was hard for me to see him lying on the pavement with all blood around him and stuff.'

_Blood around me? Not my blood, right? Logan, what exactly happened with you?_

'You're coping really good with this, you know. I'm proud of you.' I heard Kendall.

'Thanks, Kendall. It helps that the doctor said he's going to be okay.'

_Logan, stop being pessimistic, I am okay. I'm not going to be okay, I already am okay!_

'It really does. Carlos, you okay?'

_NOW STOP ASKING IF CARLOS IS OKAY ALREADY THANK YOU. You should be worried about me!_

'I'm okay. Stop asking it, I'm not the one you should worry about.'

_FINALLY, justice! _

'Okay, okay… Are you really okay? No stupid thoughts, I mean?'

'No, no stupid thoughts.'

'Good.'

That's where I succeeded in opening my eyes slightly. At first, they didn't even notice. Kendall was looking out of the window, Logan was looking to the ceiling and Carlos was looking to the ground. Until he looked up. He saw my eyes and smiled a little. 'James.'

Logan and Kendall turned around, and smiles appeared on their faces too. I couldn't move though. I would've smiled too if I was able, but they understood me.

'James, God, James, finally you're awake!' Logan whispered and he smiled again.

I opened my mouth slightly, and succeeded in whispering a few words. 'Logan, you're so going to die…' and I succeeded in smiling a little bit too.

Kendall started laughing. 'So apparently you were able to hear us all along!'


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: Woooh chapter 22... I'm sorry I didn't upload it yesterday (because I said I'd try to upload one chapter a day... the first chapter comes too late... that's lame.) Anyway, I've got 8 chapters left now, so I bet that this story will be finished in less than two weeks. School starts again in one week, so I'll upload a lot this week (I hope :). Enough said, enjoy and please review!**

C22

**CARLOS POV**

'No, no stupid thoughts.' I said and I looked in Logan's eyes, which were sceptical. Of course. He still didn't trust me.

'Good.' He said and he looked to the ceiling. Kendall was looking out of the window. I looked to the ground, discovering a few stains on it. I tried to wash them away with my shoe, but it didn't work.

I was lying. No stupid thoughts? Heck no. They weren't stupid in my opinion. I did think about it again, really. And not because I liked the attention or something, it's just that after I'd seen James lying this bed, looking so pale and so small and it was all my fault. Everything was all my fault. If this happened to James because of me… I could hardly bare to see James in so much pain, let alone seeing him or Kendall or Logan when he's _dead_. And I knew that if I didn't do anything they would. Die, I mean. And I really couldn't even stand the idea. I'd rather be dead myself than have to see them suffering.

I looked at James again. Hey, wait a sec! I could see his eyes, he was awake! I immediately felt better when I saw his eyes. I couldn't help smiling a little. 'James.'

'James, god, James, finally you're awake!' I heard Logan whispering. James opened his mouth, trying to reply. It actually looked really stupid, but he managed to talk anyway.

'Logan, you're so going to die…' He whispered and I chuckled.

'So apparently you were able to hear us all along!' Kendall started laughing in relief.

* * *

We weren't able to stay all day. The doctors almost had to _scare_ us away, before we actually left, but we did in the end. But just so James could rest. He insisted on us to leave too, he needed his beauty sleep or so he said. We took a cab to get home. Kendall sat in the front, Logan and I on the backseat. I looked out of the window and started counting the trees we passed. It was a good idea to keep my mind distracted from James and everything that'd happened.

Until we got home. Just after a few minutes we got there the phone started ringing again. Sure, I knew who it was and so did Kendall and Logan.

'I'll get it.' I said before Logan could pick up the phone. That would totally make him the next victim. So I pulled him away from the phone and picked it up. It wasn't surprising to hear the voice of the men who called me before.

'Hello?'

'I told you so, Carlitos.'

'Don't call me that.'

'Doesn't matter. You want your friends to _live_, right? Then act like there's nothing wrong while talking to me.' He hissed. I knew what he was doing. I could've seen that one coming.

I looked at Kendall and Logan, only to see Kendall though. I had no idea where Logan was, so I shrugged and replied to the guy. It wasn't the time to bother about where Logan did go. 'Right.'

'Now tell me, you know that small skate plaza? It's just a ten minute walk from Kendall's house.'

'Yeah.'

'Be there. Tomorrow, 6 PM. You know what will happen if you don't. '

'Okay.'

'Now start yelling at me so your friends won't find out.' He chuckled and if we were talking face to face I would've punched him.

I sighed, looked at Kendall. He was looking suspicious. Of course he was. Why would I talk so calmly to the guy who was the reason that James got hit by a car? 'Listen, dude,' I started, and I saw Kendall's face brightening up a little bit. 'I don't care what you say! You won't get to my friends, I swear! Now just stop calling me and leave me alone! I'll call the police if you bother us _one more time_!'

'Good boy.' The man hung up on me and I lowered my arm, the phone still in my hand and looked to the wall. The worst thing was that I actually meant what I said. That dude wouldn't come to my friends. Not when I was still there.

'Carlos.. Are you okay?' Kendall grabbed the phone out of my hand and replaced it on the table again.

'Sure… I just don't want to talk about it, okay? I think I'm going to bed.'

'It's okay. Just… whenever you want to talk you know that you should come to me or Logan right?'

'I know, thanks. Goodnight…'

'Night…'

So I went to bed. Not to sleep but to think about everything. Where did Logan go when I was on the phone? I heard him talking to Kendall but their voices weren't too clear so I couldn't hear what they were saying. I sighed. Okay, so this was it. Everything would end tomorrow 6 PM. Whatever would happen, I'd make sure that he'd stay away from James, Logan and Kendall. If they'd hurt me, they wouldn't have a reason to hurt my friends anymore. And if they did I would call the police. But I just wanted to figure this out _myself_.

I had to, it was all _my_ fault. I was the only one who could make this all right.

* * *

**A/N: Please do review? :)**


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hiyaaaa, time for a new chapter :). I'll update chapter 24 in a few seconds to make up for this short, crappy chapter. And because I didn't post one yesterday.**

C23

I woke up that morning, all sweaty and nervous. I even dreamt about 6 PM – I started calling it 6 PM – and I can tell you: it wasn't a good dream. I hated nightmares. I checked my watch, it was 11.04 already. Only 7 hours before _it_ would happen. I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest and I could hardly swallow, but I knew I had to do it. Not swallowing, I mean – okay, that too – but 6 PM. Everything would end at 6 PM. Either in a good way or in a bad way. It didn't matter to me. As long as it ended.

'Carlos?' I heard a knock on the door and a whisper. I muttered. 'Come in.'

Logan came in. 'Are you okay?'

'Only if you stop asking.'

'I'm sorry… I'm just worried about you. Kendall and I will call the police today, okay?'

'NO!' I sat right up. 'Don't call the police!'

'What?' Logan didn't look that confused. 'Why not?'

'Let's just wait one more day! I'm sure he won't call anymore. And he won't hurt you anymore.'

'How do you know?'

'I don't. I just want to wait a little more, okay?'

'Well… I thought you were the one… never mind, it's okay. We'll call the police tomorrow and don't try to hold me back, okay?'

'Okay.'

* * *

Time passed. God, the time passed. Even faster than before – or so it seemed. Before I knew it was already half past five and I only had half an hour to prepare myself for 6 PM. I just didn't know what to do. Should I bring a gun? Not that I had one, maybe I should bring a knife. I didn't know what was coming and it was killing me. I waited a quarter, yelled to Kendall that I was going for a walk and left the house. My legs felt like stone, not willing to move at all, but somehow I managed to get to the skate plaza. I saw someone waiting for someone, but I couldn't see who it was. I slowly started walking towards the man.

**KENDALL POV**

'LOGAN!' I yelled. 'WHERE ARE YOU?'

'RIGHT HERE!' he yelled back as he came walking towards me. 'I called the police, they told us to stay where we are.'

'Okay. So let's go then.'

'They told us to stay where we are… This will be dangerous, Kendall… Oh whatever, you're right, let's go.'

I couldn't help smiling a little, though I really shouldn't in this situation, but this was how I knew Logan.

'So they're coming to the skate plaza?' I asked Logan for the third time in two minutes. I couldn't help it. This could make the difference between life and death and damn, that was making me nervous as hell. Logan nodded and looked at his watch. 'About… now…'

'Let's go then.'

We started walking towards the skate plaza, but neither of us really wanted to walk fast, so we walked slowly as hell, which was getting on my nerves too. We were just too afraid of what we would see when we arrived.

Somehow I knew we were both scared of it. You could never know. Maybe we would arrive and see Carlos, dead. Shot in his head, or something like that. Stop it, don't think like that. Maybe we'd arrive and see that man that called Carlos lying on the ground, tied up by the police.

'Logan,' I sighed. 'Did I say you're smart as hell for eavesdropping on Carlos?'

'About a zillion times, yeah. But thanks anyway.' Logan chuckled, but I could hear that his laugh was forced. He didn't mean it. I did, though. Logan had surpassed himself once again, by getting the phone in the kitchen and listening to what Carlos and the man on the phone said. I couldn't even want to think about what would've happened when we didn't know about 6 PM. I didn't even want to think about it.

All I knew was that things would've gone horribly wrong if there was no police. Anything could happen to Carlos and at least if something happened now we wouldn't feel like it was our fault. Because I knew that we did everything we could do. Everything was up to Carlos now. Carlos, the man and the police. Crap.

**A/N: I got like only 2 reviews last time :(. Review it please?**


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Aaaand the next chapter, like I promised :). Sometimes I DO keep my promises! Please review?**

C24

**CARLOS POV**

'Carlitos…' The man turned around and faced me. He was wearing a grey sweatshirt, which looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks, and dirty blue jeans. He had converse shoes on himself, which were worn to a thread.

'Don't call me Carlitos,' I said, like I had said on the phone.

'I call you whatever you want,' The man came closer and suddenly I recognized him. It was an old friend of my father's, though I couldn't remember his name. He came a little more closer and touched my cheek with his filthy hand. 'Carlitos.'

'Don't touch me.' I said, but I didn't wipe his hand away, I was too afraid to move. The man noticed and grinned.

'Yeah, yeah, you don't want your friends to get hurt, do you? You're a good friend, Carlitos…' I could see his yellow teeth, which apparently weren't brushed in weeks either. I shook my head, I wasn't a good friend. The man widened his eyes. 'Oh, you don't think so? Anyway, you didn't listen to me, didya?'

I didn't answer him, but he continued anyway. 'You'll have to pay for that, you know.'

'James already did.' I blurted. I didn't want to say that but I couldn't help it.

'Yes, yes, _James_ did.' He grinned again and I wanted to smack him for how he pronounced James' name. 'But you didn't. Didya think you'd be rid of me now _James_ is in hospital? Oh, you did? That's so cute!'

I couldn't stand this man, but I knew I shouldn't smack him. It would only make things worse.

'Now, you can either have it the hard way or the soft way… whattaya want?'

'Which one does not involve my friends?'

'They both don't if you listen to me.'

'Good.'

'The soft way: get your father out of jail. Tomorrow.' He started, but I cut him off.

'I'll have the hard way. What is it?' I said. I didn't want my father to get out of jail, not now I knew I could stay with Kendall and I wouldn't be alone at all. The guy moved a little and suddenly he had a gun in his hands.

He pointed his gun towards my head and grinned. 'Have it your way.'

I closed my eyes and felt tears – of fear – sliding down my cheeks. So this was how it was going to end? I could feel the cold gun pressed against my forehead. Suddenly I thought of how I didn't even say goodbye to my friends and I had seen James only one time after his accident… I didn't even talk a lot to Kendall and Logan… That guy was wrong, I was a horrible friend. But at least they would be safe.

I waited for the gunshot, which didn't come to my surprise. Suddenly I heard an unknown voice.

'DROP THAT GUN!'

I didn't dare to open my eyes and I was still waiting for the gunshot.

'DROP IT, NOW.'

I felt the gun being lifted away from my head, but I still didn't dare to open my eyes, until someone almost knocked me over. I saw at least five policemen and to my surprise, my father's friend wasn't the only one around. I saw at least three other guys I didn't know, all holding guns, pointed to me, to the policemen or – _gasp_ – to Logan and Kendall. I opened my mouth but I didn't dare to say anything.

'DROP THE GUNS.' He used plural now. They didn't listen. They just stood there, their guns pointed at me, Logan and Kendall. And the policemen knew that as soon as they shot one of those man, the others would shoot me, Logan or Kendall. _Please_, I thought, _please let it be me._

BANG. I heard a gunshot this time, though I didn't feel anything. The policemen fired a shot at the man who was calling me "Carlitos" all the time. I immediately heard more gunshots. I was still paralyzed by fear, I couldn't move, though I wanted to duck. I turned around, looking at Logan and Kendall. I heard another gunshot and I saw a bullet setting down Logan. He screamed in surprise and fell over. I looked around again and the friend – as I started calling him – who was shot by the police was lying on the ground, his gun still pointed towards Logan.

So this is how he wanted to do it. Not hurting me, but hurting my friends after all. I wanted to walk towards Logan, to help him. He sitting on the ground, Kendall had his arms around him to comfort him, and he was holding his leg. I saw blood, Logan's blood. He was crying, but I hoped that it was because of the shock rather than because of the pain.

I wanted to walk towards him but somehow I just couldn't. I couldn't move, still paralyzed by fear. Everything that just happened had happened in just a few seconds, but it felt like all this took hours. Logan got shot and was totally defenseless now. Kendall was with Logan, totally defenseless too. They were already busted so why wouldn't they just kill them? And it was all my fault.

_Someone please shoot me._

* * *

When I said _someone please shoot me_ I didn't actually _mean_ it, come on, no one should take the things I say literally! Especially not in this situation! I heard another gunshot, but this time I felt a horrible, stinging pain right above my upper arm. I looked down and saw blood spreading around my t-shirt. My eyes widened and I felt my jaw drop. I heard someone scream my name but I couldn't recognize the voice. And that's where I passed out and everything went black.


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N: And another chapter. After this one there's just 5 more left and I can't say I really mind about that haha :). I'm glad when I finished this story to be honest because it didn't really turn out as I wanted to but yeah anyway... If you have time and you feel like it, check out "it's not over yet", a one shot I wrote :). Anyway, enjoy and please review?**

C25

Have you ever had a near-death experience? Probably not. I had never had one either, until now, yeah. I had no idea where I was, I felt like I was in space or something. Nothing makes sense. Everywhere you go there's nothing special and you can keep walking and walking but it will never end. So I woke up and opened my eyes only to find myself in some forest… it was a weird sight. It wasn't really a forest, more like an open spot in a forest. It's just that it wasn't exactly a spot, it all looked the same. A few trees, lots of bushes and the ground looked really dry.

I started walking around, because I had nowhere to go anyway. I didn't know where I was or what I should do, so I looked around a little.

It seemed that I was alone in there. I looked up to the sky – but there was no sky. Instead of clouds or something the only thing I could see was a bloody red color. Like the color you see when you look into the light and close your eyes, that kind of red. It wasn't a nice sight so I looked to the ground again. The ground was yellowish, because it was dry as hell. Suddenly the ground started to tear apart, like a huge earthquake, though there was no huge earthquake. All I could feel was a little trembling.

Anyway, the ground started to fall apart, and suddenly the ground disappeared. I fell down and I landed on something that appeared to be a swirly slide. A HUGE swirly slide. I was just in it and I tried to climb out of it, but suddenly I started sliding and there was no end coming.

I noticed the swirly slide was changing while I was sliding, the color started to fade from bright yellow to black and the sides started to transform in some kind of rasp. I slowed down and I tried to climb up again, but not even the color faded from black to yellow, so it was all worthless trying.

The swirly slide started to collapse and I tried to climb up a little faster, but I wasn't fast enough and I fell down again.

Have you ever had one of those dreams when you keep falling down and right before you hit the ground you wake up? It felt like that. I kept falling down and when I was "on my way" I saw several things in the still bloody red sky. I saw faces, but I couldn't place them.

I saw the yellowish, dry ground under me and I closed my eyes, afraid to hit the ground. I didn't hit the ground, but I opened my eyes and gasped, like you do when you have one of those dreams. I gasped again, not because of my fall but because I was apparently in a hospital.

Kendall, James and Logan stood aside my bed, which was weird in the first place because James wasn't allowed to get out of bed yet. It was weird in the second place because they weren't wearing their regular clothing, they were wearing doctor's clothing.

'Good to see you again, Carlitos,' Kendall said. This wasn't his normal voice. This voice sounded awful instead of soothing. He was holding doctor's tools too, ready to operate on me.

Carlitos. Memories came flashing back all of a sudden. I remembered the things that had happened. Logan got shot, I got shot too. Wait, did that mean that every weird thing that had happened was in my mind? Did that mean that I was dead? Heaven should be a nice place, not such a creepy place like this. God, I'd better pray that this was in my mind.

_Logan_… I opened my mouth and talked, but there was no sound coming out, just cracking and squeaking. Logan smiled though, like he knew what I was trying to say. He raised his hands and stroked my cheek.

I gasped again. Logan had no fingers or nails. Technically. He stroked my cheek again, my eyes widened and I gasped again. He had razors instead of fingers and nails. I started screaming, but no sound came out, as Kendall leaned towards me, revealed his razor-fingers-nails too and brought his doctor's tools closer and closer…

At the point where his tools and his fingers would touch me, I started falling again, right through my bed. I felt heavy electric shock, followed by another one.

_God, please stop that awful feeling._

Another one. Electricity was shaking my entire body and it felt like I was going to die any second now.

_Please let me die_, I thought_, I can't take this anymore, please. _

Another shock followed and I was still falling through the bloody red air, but right before I'd hit the yellowish ground again I opened my eyes again, gasping for air. Again.

I was lying in a bed again, surrounded by doctors this time. I wanted to start screaming again, but again, I couldn't scream. The doctor placed his hand on my forehead – to my relief he had fingers, and no razors – and looked to the others. 'I think he's okay now.'

One of them was holding a defibrillator, so that's where those electric shocks came from. I still didn't know if this was reality or not…

'He's okay?' And finally I heard a real familiar voice: Kendall's soothing voice. No awful voice, just his beautiful, normal, soothing voice. My vision was still blurry, but I could see someone standing in between the doctors, someone with a blue-black striped shirt instead of a white jacket. Kendall was here. And this was real.

'Logan…?' I managed to get out, though it sounded cracked and broken.

'Logan's okay, Carlos… It was just a grazing shot…' Kendall smiled slightly and I tried to smile back, but I wasn't able too. I felt too weak, I was exhausted. Not just because of the shot – because of the things that had just happened in my mind and I couldn't be more happy with being back to life. I tried to hold my eyes open, I just wanted to stare at Kendall (and I was scared that I might go back to that creepy world again) and not fall asleep at all, but after a few minutes my eyelids started to feel heavier and heavier and before I knew I had fallen asleep – a dreamless sleep. I heard Kendall saying 'Sleep tight, Carlos,' and I felt him tucking me in, but after that everything went black again.

**A/N: Aaaww you didn't really think I would kill Carlos right? Please review :)**


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: And another short chapter. I made a litttttle mistake, just three more chapters to go. Enjoy and P L E A S E review!**

C26

**LOGAN POV**

I was lucky, damn lucky. Even though this whole situation was horrible, I could truly say that I was a damn lucky guy. First, I saved Carlos from committing suicide. Second, James got hit by a car but survived, damn yeah he survived. Third, I got shot. Yeah, you can say that that's not lucky, but I can tell you that I was lucky that it was just a grazing shot. Fourth, Carlos got shot too, but survived. As far as I knew anyway. Maybe I should say didn't die immediately. He was still in the operating-room. There was a chance he could die, I knew that. But hey, Carlos wouldn't die because he got shot. Other people would. Not Carlos. Not after all he'd been through.

This could've all gone so, so wrong.

I looked out of the window while the doctor was taking care of my leg. I didn't feel anything because of the anaesthetic but I couldn't bare looking at it. I mean, yeah, I wanted to be a doctor, but I wasn't afraid of blood or something, it was just the problem that he was operating on _my_ leg, not on just someone's leg. I had no idea how James was doing, but since we didn't hear anything I think he was just doing fine. Kendall was with Carlos.

'Finished,' the doctor said as he put away his tools.

'Can I go to Kendall and Carlos?' I asked. I didn't even know if he knew who I meant, but he shook his head anyway. 'You need to rest, I'm sorry.'

I started to protest, there was no way I needed rest, I needed to see my friends! The problem was, I couldn't walk away, so he placed me in the bed and I couldn't go.

I didn't even have my iPod or cell phone, so I just had to wait until someone would come for me. Thank god that didn't took really long. Kendall came in just a quarter after the doctor had left. His face was all red and he looked sweaty.

'How's Carlos?' I sat right up.

'It was close, really close,' Kendall sighed, I gasped. Did he mean…? He looked so sad… Carlos… Carlos _died_?

'But he lived. –' I gasped in relief '– They generated him with those electric-shock things. I don't know how it's called…'

'A defibrillator?' I asked.

'Yeah,' he smiled. 'He opened his eyes, and you'll never know what he said.'

'He _talked_?' I asked in surprise. Okay, so I was indeed damn lucky. Add the point four to the list, Carlos survived.

Kendall nodded. 'Do you know what he said?'

'I wasn't there, how should I know? Tell me!' I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. Carlos lived, he even talked. I ignored the pain in my leg, which was coming back. None of that mattered anymore. Because Carlos lived.

'Logan.'

'Yeah?'

'That's what he said. Your name.' Kendall smiled at me.

'Seriously? Why?'

'He wanted to know if you were okay. He fell asleep after I told him that you're okay.'

'That's cute.'

'Seriously, I can't tell you _happy_ I am that _all_ of this is over. Finally.' Kendall sighed, resting his head on my bed, which wasn't a very comfortable position. He was really tired of all this, and so was I. I did feel like sleeping, yes, but not before I had seen Carlos.

'Does James know, by the way?'

'Yeah, I told him. He started crying when I told him you two got shot.'

'Nice one.' I chuckled.

'Yeah.' Kendall closed his eyes.

'Dude, wanna trade positions? You can have my bed, I'll just have a wheelchair.'

'No, you need the bed. Why do you want a wheelchair?'

'I want to see Carlos, but the doctor told me that I should get my rest.'

'You really want to go see Carlos?'

'Yeah!'

'But you should rest. I mean, you got shot and… whatever, who am I fooling?' Kendall got up and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked around the room.

'Over there,' I pointed. 'In the corner.'

'Nice.' Kendall walked to the corner, got the wheelchair, then walked to my bed again, placed his arms under my legs and around my shoulders, picked me up and placed me down in the wheelchair. He pushed me all the way to Carlos room, while chuckling. 'The doctors are so going to hate me for this.'

'Doesn't matter. As long as they don't hate me, they've got to take care of me first. I'll tell them you insisted on it.'

'Fine, _thank_ you.'

'You're welcome!' I chuckled. I got shot in my leg, yes. Carlos got shot too, yes. James got hit by a car and was in the hospital too, yes. But damn, I felt so, so happy that we all were – almost – okay.


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N: And another chapter :). If I keep uploading a chapter a day, this story will be finished within 3 days. OOOOH and about SgtGroganSG's comment that said "Logan turned Freddy Krueger" THAT WAS EXACTLY what I was thinking of :). I love A nightmare on elm street haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review :)**

C27

**JAMES POV**

Okay, so it was well known that I wasn't really the smartest out of us four. Right? So that meant that it didn't matter that I sneaked out of my room to go and see Carlos, right? Well, I bet the doctors would think different about that, but I sneaked out anyway and they didn't see me. And I wasn't that hurt – okay, okay, I'll confess that I was. But Carlos was far too important to _not_ visit him. So I got in his room by wheelchair (I always wanted to ride a wheelchair to be honest) and started talking to him, though I knew he probably couldn't hear me.

'Carlos… it's me, James,' I whispered. I wanted him to hear me but I was afraid of waking him up at the same time. 'How are you feeling? You know… Kendall just told me what happened. If you ever act like a stupid jerk again I'll smack you, heard that?'

I sighed. I had no idea what I should say to Carlos. Talking to someone who's asleep or unconscious is kinda hard when you're alone.

Right at that moment the door opened and I bit my lip. Okay, busted. I looked at the doctors I expected but instead of doctors there were two other guys. Logan, in a wheelchair and Kendall, pushing Logan's wheelchair. Their jaws dropped as they saw me.

'What the… James, what are you doing here? You're not even allowed to get out of bed!' Logan said and I could hear the shock in his voice.

'I know, right. I bet you're not allowed too.'

Silence. Oh, I was so right.

'Okay, so _maaaybe_ you're right…' Logan started blushing. I could see in his eyes that he was tired as hell, but he didn't want to sleep. Not before he had seen Carlos. And I was right again. 'I just wanted to see Carlos, okay?'

'Okay. Same here.' I grinned. 'Too bad he isn't awake…' I was shocked when I heard how fragile my voice sounded. I didn't notice it, until now. Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all to sneak out of bed. The bad thing is, Kendall noticed it too.

'James… maybe you should go back and take your beauty sleep, seriously.' He grinned and looked at me. Yeah he grinned, but I can tell you he was serious as hell.

'Yeah. Maybe.' I didn't move though. Too bad Kendall did and pushed my wheelchair back to my room, while he told me to look out for the doctors. Man, I was so going to be dead when the doctors would find out.

* * *

Days passed, nothing happened. Mrs. Knight, Katie and Kendall stayed in the hospital 24/7, just to do us a pleasure. We all recovered pretty fast. Logan was able to walk again and even I could walk – though not that far because that was still hurting a little. I didn't have to be in a wheelchair anymore though, I had crutches to support me now. Carlos was doing good, too, but every time Logan, Kendall or I came to visit him he pretended he was sleeping. We knew he pretended, just because he couldn't _always_ be asleep when we where there. The problem was that we didn't know why.

I visited him once again, on a Thursday. It was a pretty long walk, from my room to his room, especially with crutches – I hate those things. I arrived and sat down, starting to talk. I bet he could hear me anyway.

'Carlos… How are you feeling today? You know I walked all the way to your room, with only crutches, on my own! Isn't that great? And I bet Logan told you, but he is able to walk again without a wheelchair or crutches or something.' I didn't know what to say anymore so I looked to the floor, not saying anything at all for a few minutes. 'You know, Carlos, to be honest we think that you're pretending you're asleep. Why are you avoiding us? We miss you, man.'

He didn't react. 'Now please respond to me, Carlos. You can't pretend you're sleeping forever you know, the doctors are saying you're doing really good.'

No reaction.

'Carlos, _please_,' I sighed. 'We're all doing good, okay? We got hurt for _you_, to save you, now stop ignoring us already because we don't deserve that.'

No reaction. I tried to provoke him but he still had his eyes closed. Maybe he really _was_ asleep. Until I heard him whispering.

'It's not for me, it's because of me. Go away, you need to avoid me. I'm not good for you.'

'What?' I gasped. 'Are you kidding me? Everything is okay now, except for the fact that you are ignoring us!'

'Whatever, go away now please.' He opened his eyes. 'Please, James, it's all my fault. You got hurt so badly and that's my fault.'

'Carlos, listen to me,' I started. 'The whole point is that everything is okay now. That was what we all wanted, and now you start ignoring us. That doesn't help much you know. We tried to save you, we did and now we want you back. Our old Carlos.'

I expected Carlos to protest, but all he did was closing his eyes and smile.

'What the…' I said. I didn't get that guy. Not at _all_.

'Thanks, James,' he grinned. 'The problem is that I don't think I can look at you without feeling guilty.'

'You deserve it, to feel guilty,' I grinned.

'Thanks, James,' face palm. 'Anyway, I don't think I can pretend sleeping anymore at all. That makes me feel guilty too. But you have to understand that every time I look at you, I see what I did to you.'

'It's not what _you_ did to us, it's what _they_ did to us. And with "us" I mean me, Logan, Kendall and you, Carlos. You're like… the biggest victim of us all.'

'Shut up.' Carlos hid his face in his hands. 'I'm not. You are. Or Logan. But it's not me, because this all is because of me. You know… Sometimes I really do wish I had jumped.'

'Hey, shut it. Do we have to put you in suicidal watch or something? You know damn good that you don't mean that, okay? Really, all we want is our old Carlos back. The Carlos who likes to do reckless things and who is stupid and who wears his helmet all the time and who doesn't feel guilty by just looking at my face –'

'Old Carlos will never come back. He died.'

'He didn't. The new Carlos did, when you got shot. Okay? Now look at me,' I demanded. He removed his hands from his face and looked at me with his sad puppy eyes. 'We. Love. You. Okay? Got that? We're happy that this is all over now. It's. Over. Got that? Nothing will happen now, okay? You're the one who can make this right.'

'By leaving.' He looked away from my face and started to investigate the ceiling.

'No, by stopping to act like a jerk. To just face us again and smile to us. Please, Carlos. Please. Everything will be like before all this happened if you just… if you… if you'd only smile to us. Genuine.'

'I can try,' Carlos said to my surprise and he started sobbing. I pulled him gently into a hug, trying my best not to hurt him. He continued talking, though his voice sounded muffled because he pressed his face in my shoulder. 'I love you, man. Really, I don't want to live without you.'

I let go of him, but kept holding his arms. 'You promise me that you'll act normal again? Well… not normal. Like old Carlos?'

'I can –'

'Yes or no?' I interrupted him.

'Well… yes, okay.'

'Well that was about time,' I smiled to Carlos and he smiled back, and at that point I knew that everything between us would be normal again.


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: And another chapter and NOW it's almost over! Though there's still no happiness. Anyway, I'll upload the final chapter tomorrow (if I don't forget about it) and after that the story will be FINISHED. :). Okay, whatever, enjoy and please review!**

C28

**CARLOS POV**

I was glad James gave me his pep talk. That definitely made me feel better. I didn't want to pretend to sleep anymore, I just wanted to see my friends. But every time I looked at them I got that guilty feeling. Like everything was my fault and that I was totally useless.

And there was only one person I could blame for it: my father.

The day we all arrived home – or how I called it: Kendall's home, though Mrs. Knight and Kendall immediately protested and said that it was my home too now – Mrs. Knight got a call. I don't know who it was but the message was clear: my father wanted to talk to me. He was in jail, yeah, but they agreed that he could talk to me for about a quarter.

So there we were, in jail (though not literally). Everyone came along, even Katie did, to support me. It really felt good, though the vision of me talking to my dad made me feel nervous as hell, it sure did.

'Everything will be okay, Carlos,' Kendall wrapped his arm around my shoulders. 'Really, he can't hurt you now he's in jail, can he?'

Sure he could. And he definitely would, I felt it. Not physically, I mean mentally.

The officers told us I could bring someone with me if I didn't want to be alone, and I shook my head when they asked me if I wanted to go alone. Kendall, Logan and James immediately started fighting about who could come with me, until Katie yelled they should be silent and that Mrs. Knight would come with me, so they should stop fighting.

They wouldn't be the same if they didn't start protesting. And of course they did, until Mrs. Knight interrupted and said that she would go with me because she was the only adult. Of course, that remark brought up a lot of protest too, but she wouldn't listen to it, so she would go with me. All that time I was just looking out of the window, leaning on my arms. My father wouldn't be scared if someone would come with me. I could always say that I didn't want to see him, but that would be running away from my problems. I never wanted to run away anymore.

* * *

'You have a quarter,' A policemen let me and Mrs. Knight in. _I _didn't have a quarter, my dad had a quarter. We sat down and I looked into my father's eyes. He looked insane. Really. There was no way he could be drunk and stuff, because he was in jail after all, but there was pure anger in his eyes. Of course, I could've known. Who wouldn't be mad if his own son was the reason he was in jail? Yeah, that makes sense.

Mrs. Knight squeezed my shoulder gently as my father started to talk. We were separated by glass, so I wasn't afraid he would hurt me physically. I was afraid he'd hurt me mentally. To be honest, though it might be a little selfish to say, I thought I had faced enough mental – let alone physical – problems the last few months. This, I decided, would be the last chapter of the first book of my life.

'Son,' He said. He narrowed his eyes, but the police officers, who were outside couldn't see it. Though they were looking at us, to make sure nothing would happen. They couldn't hear us either, to give us privacy. I didn't respond him with "father". Because even though he was, I couldn't believe that the man I was looking at was indeed my father.

'You…' he sighed. 'Why did you do this to me, _shortie_?'

'Don't call me –' I started off but he interrupted me.

'I call you anything I want, don't you dare to tell me what I can or cannot do!' He hissed. I looked in his eyes, still narrowed. He just made a big mistake calling me shortie. The nickname itself wasn't really the problem, the way he said it was the problem. I didn't respond, which encouraged him to continue.

'This is all your fault and you can't –' Big mistake part two. I interrupted him.

'This is _my_ fault? Do you even realize what _I_ have been going through?' I blurted. I felt my heart break. Really. He was breaking my heart. He sounded so _bitter_, when he was talking to me. The reason of him abusing me suddenly changed. What if he just hated me? What if it wasn't because of the alcohol?

'Realize,' he smirked. 'Do I… _You_ are the reason of everything. The reason… _she_ left.'

I felt my heart skip a beat and I stopped breathing for a few seconds. So he wanted it that way? Talking about my mom? I had never even heard him saying her name. She. Now she was just a _she_. I didn't respond to him, because somewhere I didn't know how to respond. I never knew the reason my mom left. Was it indeed because of me? Was the pain I had been going through my own fault?

'Yeah, yeah that was your fault,' my dad started, I encouraged him again. I felt Mrs. Knight's grip tightening but she didn't say something. She was the only person who would understand me. I needed to handle this alone. No help. That would _never_ be satisfying. 'And you think that it was my fault? It's your own fault, son. You made her leave, now you have to deal with the consequences.'

'Shut up,' I whispered.

'What did you say?' He smirked again. 'Shut up? No, boy, it's my turn to speak now. You spoke. You already did. To the police. Now it's my turn, don't tell me when I have to shut up.'

I didn't respond. My heart was slowly breaking in pieces. 'You're not even _sorry_?' I realized how much I sounded like a kid that way. Like I was six years old again instead of almost seventeen, but I couldn't care less about it.

'Sorry?' He grimaced. 'Sorry because you put me in jail? One-and-a-half year?' I felt tears burning, but I would _not_ give him the satisfying thought of making me cry. Not now, not here.

'I just wanted it to stop,' I heard my voice crack. But I was not going to cry. Hold back your tears, Carlos. Man yourself up. Now.

My father opened his mouth to say something and his eyes narrowed. Before he could make a sound the police officer opened the door, telling us that our time was over. I hurried out of the room, followed by Mrs. Knight, and as soon as I was out of _his_ sight the tears started flowing.


	30. Chapter 29 FINAL CHAPTER

**A/N: AND THIS IS IT! THE END! THE FINAL CHAPTER! I truly hope you enjoyed reading this story and I hope I didn't disappoint you. I know there's still not that much happiness in this chapter but I figured that it was a pretty good way to end it and I hope you agree. Sooo... this is officially the end now but maybe I will make a sequel one day. I'm glad anyway that I finished this story before school starts again and stuff and I'm planning on writing more oneshots and songfics than writing multichapter stories. But please tell me if you'd like to see a sequel about Carlos' father released from jail etc. This is officially finished but when I do (and if I don't forget about it) I will post another chapter in THIS story with the announcing of the sequel. Okay, now let's finish this RIDICULOUS long author's note, enjoy the final chapter and PLEASE REVIEW about what you think about the WHOLE story :).**

**And one last disclaimer for this story: I do not own big time rush. :(.**

C29

**LOGAN POV**

He had a quarter. I never knew a quarter could take so long. Kendall and James were pacing up and down, but I sat down in a chair, counting the seconds that passed. I knew there was no way Carlos' father could ever harm him physically, but who knew what he could do by just saying things?

And as usually, I was right. I had a bad feeling about it when the door opened. Carlos came out and his tears started flowing. Kendall, James and I hurried towards him and patted his back and shoulders in an attempt to comfort him. He just ignored us and kept walking while we were still trying to comfort him. Until Mrs. Knight called us back.

'Boys… I think he needs some time for himself, okay?' She sighed and looked in our eyes. 'his father… wasn't exactly nice to him. Don't ask about it. Let him tell his story when he's ready, okay?'

We nodded simultaneously, though we were wondering what had happened inside that small room. Though we were smart enough not to ask him about it. He didn't even look at us as he opened the doors and stepped outside, right in the pouring rain. He needed some time for himself, while leaving us wondering about what was bothering him so much. We sat down in the chairs, waiting for Carlos to finish his thinking time and come back inside before he'd catch a cold, but he didn't come back. Apparently he needed a whole lot of time to think. Kendall got up after a few minutes of silence. Carlos had been out for at least half an hour now. 'I think he had enough time to think now.' He said. 'I'm going to check on him. I'm getting worried, he might catch a cold.'

I could hear in his voice that Carlos catching a cold wasn't the only thing he was worried about, but I didn't say something. Carlos would never try… _it_ again. I knew one thing for sure and that was he never wanted to leave us.

**KENDALL POV**

I stepped outside, it was still raining. How ironic. I looked around for Carlos. He was sitting on a small wooden bench, soaking wet, just staring at nothing.

I sat down next to him and patted his shoulder to let him know I was sitting right next to him in case he wanted to talk. We sat there for five minutes before he finally looked at me. His eyes were red and sore and I could see he had been crying for a long time. Another tear slid down his cheek.

Man, this was breaking my heart. To see him in so much pain. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. I ran my fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in my shoulder. We sat there for another five minutes before I started talking. My voice sounded muffled by the rain but I was sure Carlos was able to hear me.

'Carlos… what did he say to you?' I knew I should wait till he was ready, but I felt so angry about Carlos' father making him cry like this. He didn't deserve that. I heard Carlos sobbing, so I tightened my grip a little. 'It's okay, Carlos. It's over now. You were amazing for talking to him and we are there for you, okay?'

I felt that Carlos tightened his grip too, but he didn't respond. I rubbed the back of his head a little and felt a tear sliding down my own cheek.

'It's okay, Carlos. Let's go inside, you'll get sick.' I whispered. I ran my fingers through his hair one last time and helped him up. His eyes were still red and sore. He wiped away his tears and looked to the ground.

'I'm sorry, Kendall,' his voice cracked. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders again.

'Don't be, Carlos. It's okay. Let's go inside.' We walked inside, where mom handed us towels to dry ourselves, because were soaking wet. I wasn't as wet as Carlos so I handed him my towel, which he accepted with a crooked smile. I was glad he was still able to smile though.

'Will you now tell us what he said?' I asked bluntly, which caused Logan to smack the back of my head.

'Dude…' He sighed.

Carlos grinned, though it seemed a little forced. 'It's okay. You have the right to know.'

'Don't tell us if you don't want to, Carlos,' Logan warned him. 'It's okay if you don't.'

'No, you have the right to know. He started talking about how this is all my fault and how it's my fault that mom left and that it's my own fault that he did that. I thought it was because of the alcohol…'

He looked to the ground. His grin had faded as he started talking and he bit his lip. I didn't know how to respond to that. Carlos had never talked about his mom. He never liked that. And now his father started telling him it was his fault? It was _his_ fault that he had been through so much pain? I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth.

I patted his shoulder again and pulled him in another hug. I let my chin rest on the smaller boy's head and closed my eyes. I felt Carlos wrapping his arms around my waist and I heard him sob again.

'It's okay Carlos. He won't bother you anymore.' I let go of our hug and looked him in the eyes. 'Never.' I hugged him again, joined by James and Logan.

We had a lot of group hugs, but none of them ever felt so good as this one. Because we knew that as soon as Carlos got over the words his father said everything would be normal again.

Like nothing ever happened.

* * *

**A/N: THE END.**


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